Tinder Tips, Online Flirting, and how to sext your wife!!

The world of online dating and cyber flirtations is one that requires some experience and navigation. My single and divorced friends seem to fair pretty well, but I can't imagine having to actually sift through the plethora of potential mates that are readily available. Not to mention, the rejection, inappropriate and sometimes shocking messages that seem to be a part of the game.... and yes, it is a game.

There is definitely an element of fun and excitement that comes along with setting up a profile on any social media, and dating sites are even more hormone inducing. The fact that the you're even creating a profile on a dating site brings a certain testosterone and adrenaline boost. The thrill of the possibilities and the initial "likes" and "matches" pump chemicals straight from the brain into the bloodstream. Scientists are already testing theories on how these constant dopamine boosts affect our brain and body development, but for the time being, let's just concede that these responses do in fact exist. You know the feeling... your phone dings... your Facebook notifies you that someone likes your post... your Instagram and Twitter accounts boast new followers... dopamine, dopamine, dopamine... reward for a job well done.

Now let's apply this to the online dating scene. You post a profile, you swipe right on a hot girl or guy, and it's a match! Instant wood.... later you get a notification that they like your "moment," or has sent you a "message." GAME ON. What happens from here is entirely in the way you play it.

Guys: If you send a message, try something more than "Hi." Or "Hello." Unless it's a very enthusiastic "Helloooooo...." followed by an excited Emoji. Give us girls some recognition. Comment on something you saw or read on the profile. Make us feel a little special. Whether you want to actually date us or just have sex with us… it’s all the same game. Make conversation. Give us a chance to feel comfortable with you. If we’re DTF, we’ll let you know. The banter will come naturally.

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES start sending immediate messages about your dick, her mouth, or any other sexual part of her body!!!

GET A CLUE... TAKE A HINT... DON'T BE A CREEP...

If she hasn’t asked for a pic of your third leg, don’t send it… no matter how awesome you think you are. We just don’t respond well to uninvited images of your bits and pieces, sorry guys. Women need an emotional component to visual stimuli, we don’t need to be in-love, but we need… something…

That being said, once she’s asked for a naughty pic, make it good one. Bathroom selfies are fine, if you’re laying in bed, please take the socks off, or crop them out of the picture. If you’re hand is on your featured asset, make sure your nails and your joystick are clean.

Girls: It's pretty simple. What is the goal? If it's to find a real relationship, don't come on too strong with the flirtatious vibes. Tinder is generally known as a hook-up site, so be forewarned. But I also do know of people who like the people they meet on Tinder better than any other site or app, and even people who have gotten married. But be clear about your purpose. If you want to date a guy, don’t send seductive messages, or sexy selfies once you go off Tinder and onto texts. Wait until you’ve actually met them in person (and perhaps even had sex with them) before you send suggestive messages. It can be confusing to these poor guys who, let’s face it, may not know exactly what they want.

If you’re looking for a straight hook-up, be direct. Again, guys can be a little clueless, or even scared, so make your messages as plain as possible. That doesn’t mean they don’t like a little banter too, or even to feel like they’ve chase you a little bit… but DO let them know that you’re not playing games. Ask them to take the conversation off of Tinder, ask them for pics, so you know what you’re getting when the clothes come off, and that they actually do look like their profile pics. Be cautious of which racy pics you send, no faces or identifying marks!! If this is a "hit it and quit it" situation, you can’t trust that they won’t be shared.

Here are a few tips for getting your profile liked on these apps and sites:

1. Both sexes: Use your best pics first! The initial swipes are based on looks… shallow, but true. If you’re not the most attractive guy or gal, ask an honest pal which pics make you look the most interesting or appealing. NO Seatbelt car pics... for real. And try to post pics that show a variety of facial expressions to really show your personality.

2. Guys: Don’t post pics of you with a fish! Women just don’t care. If you are into fishing, tell them in person. If you’re trying to send subliminal messages about your ability to provide food for me… uh. please don’t … Ladies: This applies to your pics with your kids. Yes, you're a mom, but unless you're looking for a replacement daddy, nobody cares about your kids yet. Just write it in the profile description.

3. Both sexes: Don’t post multiple pics with a bunch of friends. First of all, they'll have to figure out which one is you, and they might think one of your friends is hot. So if they did date you, and your friend showed up somewhere, it could get complicated. One is fine, multiples is just asking for a left swipe.

4. Both sexes: Make sure we can see your face clearly. If there are too many far away shots… it’s a left swipe.

5. Both sexes: Pics with puppies and or cats... play this one modestly. Guys: we know you're playing with our emotions here, so just know that we're on to you. Girls: Too many cat pics are a red flag... just saying.

So how do the married people get in on the game? Send naughty messages to each other!! Pretend as though you're meeting online for the first time, and start a conversation. Perhaps you're created "stage names" ahead of time, so you know that when your husband or wife refer to you as a certain name, that it's time to play. Give them the dopamine jolt by dinging their phone with flirtatious and sexy messages throughout the day. Ask them to meet you for coffee, or a cheap motel room and play out the fantasy of hooking up for the first time. Not only do you get to flirt with your partner, but the two of you can also play out roles that might be different from your everyday lives. Don't let the stress of work and family life kill your sex-life with your partner. Find ways to create fun games and new sexual experiences for each other to keep them lusting you, even after all these years.

If you need tips on how to take a sexy selfie, read my post here!

To hear to the full show on Tinder Tips, Online flirting, and how to sext your wife, listen to Episode 15 on Play With on Playboy Radio.

Have you wanked it today?! Increase your odds by making your solo practice a team sport!

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Celebrity Nude photos leaked-scandal or a sign of things to er, come?

By now you must've heard about (and tried looking for) nude photos of celebrities like Kate Upton and Jennifer Lawrence that were leaked onto the internet. Apparently the FBI is getting involved as this invasion of privacy affects more than just the victims of the hacking, but it affects the security and privacy of us all. After all, if the elite and wealthy aren't safe, who is...? Or perhaps that's exactly why they're not safe? Being in the limelight certainly makes people into targets in our reality-obsessed, voyeuristic society.

But the media response to the situation is what has caused me to blog. The question being raised is, who is to blame, victims or hackers? And then there's the judgements surrounding these women (although there are penis pics too, yes, I've actually seen them)...

Let's start with the question about who is to blame. Is it the celebrity female's FAULT for taking graphic nude photos (or allowing themselves to be photographed, they are not all selfies), knowing that they could POTENTIALLY be exposed? I personally don't think they should be blamed, but I definitely understand the risks myself when I shoot ahem, "personal" pics ... does that mean I deserve to have private photos plastered all over the internet should they be accidentally sent to the wrong person (almost happened..), or somehow obtained by hackers...? Or should what I choose to do with my body and my intimate life be protected from the eyes of everyone else in the world that doesn't have my permission to see them?!! Such a tough concept I know, but I'm leaning more toward the latter. Whether you think these women are being inappropriate by taking *gasp* naked photos or not, does it really mean that they deserve the potential shame and embarrassment from them being shared with the world?

Here comes the judgment... I'll repeat, "Shame and embarrassment..."

Should they not have taken these photos in the first place? I'm sure many men and women (okay maybe mostly women) would say that they would never have these kind of pictures in their phone. Unfortunately sex and nudity are both synonymous with lewd in our culture... It's a fact that saddens me daily. What adult people choose (there's that word again) to do with their bodies and consensually share with another person or persons, shouldn't not only be acceptable, it should be celebrated. Not shamed, not judged, not ridiculed (aka bullying), but rather, our freedom to choose what to do and share should be honored and respected.

Thanks to arguments on both sides of the debate on the threads of JustJared.com and huffingtonpost.com, I have been thoroughly entertained.

Does knowing that our privacy isn't safe make you less inclined to snap that sexy selfie? Or does the fact that yes, you're not the only one doing it, make you feel more empowered to point and shoot? Will this security breach change the way we sext in the future? I'd love to hear your thoughts! :)