Tuesday, February 14, 2012

How to have the man of your dreams...

This may sound like a lofty claim, but really it's quite simple. Having the partner you've always dreamed of is a realistic notion, and with a few simple steps, you CAN have your cake, and eat it too....

As the saying goes, "Art Imitates Life." So I am using Hollywood's examples of love to add color to my basic philosophies on creating happy relationships.

With the recent split of Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, I've found myself thinking about what went wrong. Sure, it was doomed from the beginning you say. He was a hot young celebrity, and she a sexy older woman... which means only one thing... at some point, she'd just be too old. But I don't think it's that basic.

From what we can gather from the tabloids, it sounds like he did crave some strange from the younger set, and she MAY have even indulged him. There were rumors of threesomes and indiscretions, afterall. However, I think the underlying cause of what we can blame on "her age" is the self-doubt and insecurity. So, step #1 to having the man of your dreams: Be confident and love yourself.

What Hollywood has also taught us, is that honesty can make a relationship work. Celebs Mo-nique and Sydney Hicks declaring their open marriage confirms that they each have needs as human beings that may not always be met within their personal relationship. This doesn't mean that we should all be in open marriages, but what it does suggest is step #2: We should clearly discuss our needs and expectations both before and during our relationship.... scary I know, this means communication. Btw, needs are subject to change.

And Step #3 is to create the partner of your dreams.
Yes I did say create. I don't mean nagging your husband to do what you want, or complaining that he never "this" or doesn't "that." Creating the partner of your dreams is using your mind to focus on the best attributes of the person you love. I'm sure you saw the movie Shallow Hal? The message of that film wasn't that beauty is within. It wasn't that we could love someone who wasn't attractive to other people. It's that WE create the beauty we see in the world. Feelings of love, and even lust aren't created by our eyes, they are feelings that swell in our minds.

You're probably thinking, "You said this would be easy." But I said it would be simple. It is simple to love yourself, be honest and communicate, and think good thoughts. What's difficult is letting go of the other stuff. Self-loathing, doubt, fear of rejection, selfishness, resentment. On days like today, we are reminded (rather obnoxiously) to love and cherish one another. Just don't forget to carry it with you every other day of the year.