While I was thrilled to contribute to this Article on Bustle.com, I was sad that they only shared bullet points. Here's the extended version of my input in case you needed a little more explanation. After all, Educated sex, is better sex.
Can I have sex while wearing a tampon?
Yes! While having sex during your period may not be your preferred time of the month, there are options. If your partner isn't comfortable with the presence of blood or you are worried about making a mess, you can leave a tampon or natural sea sponge inserted to absorb excess fluid. Natural sea sponges are available at most drug stores and are easy to rinse and reuse. The tampon or sponge will stay in the vaginal canal as the cervix is designed to keep anything from entering the uterus. It may get lodged deep inside the vaginal canal however, and will need to be removed by inserting a finger and hooking onto the tampon or sponge while bearing down. He will most likely be able to feel the tampon or sponge but if fluid reduction is the goal, this is a viable option. Sex in the shower is always a fun alternative.
**If it's not that time of the month, inserting toys such as Ben Wa balls are a stimulating additional to intecourse for both partners. He will have the benefit of an added stroking sensation and they will both enjoy the feeling of tightness and added stimulation. I recommend using a set that has a retrieval cord for easy removal.
Not all sex involves penetration.
"Sex" is a catchall phrase that includes all types of play and stimulation. But when we say, "We had sex, " or "Do you want to have sex?" we generally assume that means penis to vaginal penetration. Sex requires conversation. Too often we "fall into bed" or get "caught up by passion," taking the responsibility of sex out of the equation. "Alcohol made me do it," is a common statement. But what pleasure and intimacy do we truly achieve through accidental encounters? As women we need to be aware of our feelings and desires and ask for what we want. Perhaps you just want to have a passionate make out session with someone. Maybe you want an orgasm but don't want to be penetrated. These are conversations that we feel we aren't allowed to have, we're embarrassed to talk about sex... even if we do it, we can't talk about it. The reality is, both partners will find more pleasure if you do. For women, voicing our desires is empowering, being empowered gives us confidence, and confidence is sexy.
Blue balls are not your problem.Many women are conditioned to believe that if we tease or flirt with a man to the point of him getting an erection, that we are somehow responsible for helping him relieve it. Erections can come from all sorts of stimulation, both sexual and non-sexual. You are not responsible for getting your partner off. Period. Should you decide to engage in sexual acts that lead to orgasm for your partner, it is mutually consensual decision. You might decide to have a mutual masturbation session, oral sex, or penetrative sex, all of which are options and should be on the menu in any order and with the option to opt out of any or all.
Be specific about your needs and desires ahead of time, and if things get steamier than you'd planned and you're not ready or willing to proceed, as him for masturbate for you. Saying something sexy like, "I'd love to watch you stroke yourself off for me." Is a huge turn on that allows him to finish and you to retain your boundaries without losing any sex appeal. Plus you'll learn how he likes to play with himself and what turns him on. Then you can regroup and decide if you want to pursue a sexual encounter when hormones aren't in overdrive.
Not all penises are created equal.
While men are exposed to all shapes and sizes of penises in the locker room, women have a limited expectation of what an average penis should be. Some are large, some are small, some are thin, some are fat. Some curve down, some curve to one side, some have big mushroom heads, others are pointy. Some have foreskin, others don't. We are surprised by what we find when his pants are dropped and while we don't want to judge, we might not be the best at concealing our initial reactions. What's important to note is that they all work the same. They feel good when they are touched, licked, sucked and stroked, and can feel equally as good inside of us if the man its attached to is a present and considerate lover. Don't be too attached to what a perfect penis looks like. Be open to exploring all the beautiful differences and see what you like best about them. And should you be stared down by a penis you don't think you can love, know that there are alternative options. A man who is less endowed can use a hollowed strap on to increase size for his lover. A man with more to love can use a masturbator sleeve at the base to create a stopper to ease the depth of penetration. Ultimately a mans penis shouldn't define him, or decide his fate. Be as gentle with his emotions as you'd want him to be with yours. You may be pleasantly surprised to find that you'll get the most pleasure with a body you didn't expect.