Thursday, August 28, 2014

Stella 2 balls-because you SHOULD play with your balls!

Once you've decided that doing your kegels is right for you, you may want to consider some tools to help!

Let me introduce you to my little friend...

The Stella 2 balls are a trio of weighted kegel balls that can be worn individually or with two safely nestled inside the silicone casing. They are all coated with the same anti-bacterial silicone material, giving them the soft, safe, yet "grippy" feeling that you can easily keep these babies in while going about your errands, exercising, or hitting the dance floor! (and yes, these are all things I would recommend doing with your ball in!)

We had our panelist of reviewers test them out, and while most all of us ladies agreed that they were a bit big for our tastes, they were pretty darn stellar. said, "They were a bit big for me, I felt like I could only squeeze so hard." said, "You won't have to worry about being on an episode of "Sex Sent Me to the ER!"

Susan said, "I did actually like the material they were made out of, they seem like they'd stay in better than something made out of metal." said, "I use the Stella balls and the Lelo Luna beads, and like that you can change out the different weights."

To purchase any of these products, message me for details, or shop online and enter coupon code: PLAYME for free shipping on your entire order.

Hear the entire show on Episode 2 on my show Play With Me on Playboy Radio.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Married people-single sex! Have sex like you're single again!

It happens... that point in a relationship where watching a TV show, or even sleeping, is suddenly more exciting that the prospect of sex with your partner. It's not that you don't love them anymore, or that you're not sexually attracted to them anymore (well, most of the time). So why is it so much work to muster up the energy to actually start the ball rolling...?

Let's back track for just a second and clarify. I'm referring to relatively happy couples in monogamous relationships, who do still care for one another...

So, what's a guy or gal to do when the desire and passion starts to fade?

Let's first discuss why the passion starts to fade and take it from there...

There are several reasons why people lose the sexual energy they once had with their long-term or lifelong partner. Let's be real... we've tapped that before.. we already know what we're getting... we've already been there, done that...

Reason 1. There's no element of surprise and spontaneity anymore for many couples. In other words, we're bored. Solution: Plan a romantic night out for your lover! Shop for sexy lingerie, or bring home a new sex toy! Create new moments of sexy experiences to keep the fire burning!

Then there's the actual time it takes to have sex. Many parents are already exhausted from work and caring for the kids. That generally leaves evening for any possibility of sex. But they don't have a place to have sex, because their kids are still awake. When the kids are finally asleep, they don't have the energy. (this is assuming, of course, that one or both partners isn't bothered by, and is capable of completing the task, knowing that their kids might hear them)

Reason 2. Lack of time and/or availability of location for sex. Solution: Make date night a priority! Plan time to spend together, if you have the money, get a hotel room, or drop the kids off at the in-laws and make sexual reconnection an important part of your life!

Now let's consider the hormones necessary for the libido to function properly.

Testosterone has been widely recognized as the hormone that creates sex drive; however, we should differentiate between sex drive and sexual desire. One can have sexual desire without much sex drive. This can happen in the case of erectile dysfunction, whereas the man is lacking the ability to create and sustain an erection, but is still interested in sex. Then there's the case of those who might experience a lack of sexual interest, not a lack of sex drive.... this can happen a lot with both sexes.

Reason 3. Lack of sex drive due to decreased testosterone. Solution: Do everything you can to physically and mentally stay interested in sex.

When you're dating it's simple. In a recent study, it was determined that when two people meet and experience mutual attraction, their testosterone levels spike! If only one person felt an attraction, and the other did not; however, there was no elevation in the levels of testosterone. So simply put, when there was a probability of sex, the body responded favorably to make this happen.

Let's face it, lower levels of testosterone can completely kill a sexual relationship, so understanding the physiology of sex certainly can't hurt. As with our overall health, a healthy diet and exercise is crucial in regulating and maintaining our hormone levels. Anti-depressants and birth control are known to decrease desire, but are part of many American couples lives, so make sure you combat these medications by staying healthy. Stress can cause a huge strain on relationships and sexual desire, do whatever you can to keep the stress levels down.

But there are times of the month, as well as in life, when women's testosterone levels increase. (Yay for the guys who are married to them!) Just before ovulation (which would be when she is most fertile) testosterone is prevalent, but as her ovulation cycle comes to an end, estrogen levels drop resulting in less lubrication. (not fun) So guys: If you'd like to increase your chances of getting laid, hit your wife up between the 24th day of her menstrual cycle, and the 14th day of her next month's cycle. Show her that you still think she's a hot piece of ass (i.e.:send those mating hormones into hyperdrive), and don't give her all the same moves. Send her sexy messages throughout the day (be cautious with your chosen words, she may not like porn chatter during kid hours), touch her in ways that are non-sexual, compliment her, look her in the eyes, make her laugh. Change it up, make an effort, make her feel desired, and let the fun begin.

Ladies, if your man is seemingly less interested in sex, consider the changes his body might be experiencing. As men age, they too have a decrease in testosterone. They may be less interested in sex, loose head and body hair, feel tired even though they get enough sleep, have trouble staying focused, loose muscle mass, gain more body fat, all of which can also make daddy feel not so sexy... How can you help?! Boost his ego with sexy text messages, pictures, and mental stimulation throughout his day. Tell him things that you know will drive him crazy. Let him know you're thinking about sex! Men are very visual creatures, paint a picture for him of what lies ahead... and give detailed descriptions.

Then there's the not so easy part to explain, the part that requires more than just a bucket of sex toys, a babysitter, and a bottle of wine. Resentments, infidelity, emotional needs that are not being met...

Reason 4. You have issues.... Solution: see a couples counselor. Your relationship was worth it at some point, even if it doesn't feel like it now... and if it's not worth salvaging, you'll be having single sex soon enough anyway.

Monday, August 18, 2014

Sex Fitness! Why you should, and shouldn't do your Kegels....

For years we've heard that kegels are important for women pre and post-natal, and for better sex... but recently I've been hearing reasons that we shouldn't. What's the deal?

Yes, our pelvic floor is compromised for a myriad of reasons. Most commonly, pregnancy and childbirth; however, even chronic coughing can weaken our pelvic floor. So whether you're young, old, been pregnant, delivered vaginally or by C-section, are male or female, we are all in need of pelvic floor strengthening exercises.

For women: we are at risk as we age, and our pelvic floor muscles weaken, of a collapse.... AVALANCHE!!! Ha ha, no, but seriously (guys, cover your ear and eyes, it's a bit too graphic for your visual minds) your urethra and uterus could literally hang outside of your vagina!! If that's not reason enough to strengthen your pelvic floor, I don't know what is.... and I have heard from Emergency Room Nurse clients of mine that they have in fact seen this. Then there's the problem of peeing while you laugh or sneeze... yeah, not so fun either.

This would be the WHY WE SHOULD do our kegels.

So what's a gal to do, if kegels aren't the answer? The problem doesn't seem to be that kegels are bad for you, but that people work their kegels incorrectly. So let's understand the pelvic floor first and take it from there. The pelvic floor is a system of muscles (not just your pubococcygeus muscle, AKA: PC muscle) that support your internal organs. The PC muscle goes around the opening of the urethra, the vagina, as well as the anus, which for men, is where the prostate is located (and where ejaculate originates from). So it makes sense that we want to strengthen THAT muscle. But how many women really get consistent exercise at the gym, let alone specifically working out their kegels?

Thankfully there are several products available to help women do their kegels without having to remember to do them. Kegel balls, eggs, and exercisers are designed to provide resistance, so that whether you're thinking about it or not, you'll be working the PC muscle. If you don't know whether or not you're squeezing your PC muscle, you can locate it by stopping the stream of urine. (But don't do this as a method of exercise, just to locate the muscle!) You can also insert a finger, or have your partner insert his penis and squeeze, and you'll be able to feel the compression, indicating that you're in the right place! Many of us also solicit the help from our larger muscle groups, ie: the sphincter, taking away the focus on the actual PC muscle itself, so make sure you isolate the muscle while doing reps. You can isolate this more by tilting your pelvis forward, by sitting forward in your chair for example... are we all doing our kegels now?! But what about the other muscles?

According to the Restorative Exercise Institute, the alignment of your pelvis is what is the most important for supporting the pelvic floor.

Katy Bowman, the creator of the program, is a huge advocate of squatting for optimum support of the pelvic floor. In her opinion, doing a bunch of kegels isn't what creates strength in the pelvic floor, but rather the overall support of the muscles responsible for stabilizing the pelvis. In an interview on she suggests a balanced, aligned pelvis from the natural musculature created in a squat, versus the single action exercise of the kegel, which can pull at the sacrum.


In an interview with Mama Sweat, she states, "..the life-long habit of squatting is what prevented the PF (pelvic floor) from being damaged in the first place. The balance between the perfect amount of glute contraction and the perfect amount of PF tone give you what you want. Good pelvic (and abdominal) organ support." In other words, strong muscles to stabilize and support the pelvic floor is what we're going for.

Whether to kegel or not to kegel, is up to you. I see value in each point of view, and recommend that you discuss any pelvic floor concerns or issues with your health care provide to make sure you're not making any matters worse.

The muscles of your core are also important in keeping the pelvic floor lifted. Your transversus abdominis is the deepest of your core muscles and provides support to stabilize the pelvic floor. Doing situps will not isolate the TA muscle. If you've never tried working it out solo, give this a try! Mutusystem defines how to engage your TA muscles in a way that is easy to understand and thorough!

For men: Your PC muscles can also weaken, creating urinary incontinence, not fun... Conditioning your pelvic floor has also be known to intensify orgasm and increase performance... YAY! You'll work your muscles in the same way as the ladies, but you may also notice a squeeze in the sphincter. For some detailed info on how and why you should work your kegels, check out this video from WebMD! (I've also heard that placing a washcloth, dry, or wet for more resistance, and lifting it with your erect penis, can help strengthen the muscle... If I had a penis, I'd do that just for the fun of it!)

And guys, I also found this baby online, if you'd like to add some resistance to your workout, without requiring an erection. There's a product called the Kegel Pad that might be a fun addition to doing your daily emails! This product was designed to add an extra level of intensity to your squeezing. By sitting on the pad at your perineum, you'll compress it as you squeeze your PC muscle!

Bottom line: there is no substitute for a healthy body when it comes to great sex! Make sure you've got the stamina, strength, and endurance to take on all kinds of positions and experiences. Eat well, exercise, sleep, and indulge occasionally on whatever it is that relaxes you, alleviates stress, and brings you back to your body. Be aware and present with your lover, and the rest will take care of itself.

To purchase any of these products, message me for details, or shop online and enter coupon code: PLAYME for free shipping on your entire order.

Hear the entire show on Sex Fitness, Episode 2 on my show Play With Me on Playboy Radio.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Sensual Vs Sexual Touch... and is touching flirting?

I was appalled when I looked up the definition for sensual. I agree with the definition that it is something that “relates to or affects the senses or sensory organs,” but was shocked to see the second listing on my google search… lacking in moral restraints, lewd, or unchaste? WTF?! I can see where a religious entity or morally rigid person could contort the meaning of the word to apply it to their teachings and/or way of life. But to have the word sen>su>al tossed into a pile of “bad” words in an actual online reference is simply ludicrous. Give synonyms?! Say it “suggests” something that could be brought on by something lacking in moral restraints, but to say the DEFINITION of sensual is lewd??!! C’mon…

The definition of sexual contact accroding to the free dictionary, is as what I expected. Concise, explicit, and straightforward. "The touching of ... any other person's intimate parts, or the intentional touching of the clothing covering the immediate area of the other person's intimate parts"

So how do these two concepts get confused?

The word sensual gets lumped in with sex all too often, when in actuality, both are able to exist without the other. One can have a sensual experience without involving sex, just as one can have sex without it being sensual. Great sex generally involves more than penetration. When lovers can connect with their senses and be aware of their physical, mental, and emotional self during sex, the results can be… well, explosive.

Let’s just talk about one of our senses-TOUCH. It seems these days that many of us are disconnected with our physical self. We are afraid to make contact with ourselves, or each other. We neglect one of the most vital needs we have as human beings, the need to be touched. There have been studies which concluded that babies who didn’t get enough physical contact were more likely to die. There was ample nutrition, shelter, and care, but deprived of human touch, they withered away. Today in nurseries around the world, babies in the NICU are allotted “touch time,” to ensure they are getting their daily dose of affection.

When was the last time you touched your partner outside of the bedroom? Do you even caress and squeeze and hold them IN the bedroom? Perhaps you hold their hand or pat their ass, but do you hold their face? Kiss their shoulder? Caress their back? When was the last time you touched them for the sake of being sensual? Not sexual…not with any intention of having actual sex…but simply because it felt good to touch them?

Do you touch strangers? I do it all the time, I meet people in the AcroYoga community who fly me on their feet, and hold my hands, and touch my shoulders, among other areas... It is a warm, connective way to exercise, gain balance, stretch, get strong, and build friendships.

Does this make me a flirt?

I opened my inbox one day to find an email that boasted “The Art of Flirting,” I was surprised to see the following:

1. Eye contact

2. Smiling

3. Laughing at jokes

4. Using their name in conversation

5. Touching them while talking to them.

Based on these five bullet points, I flirt with everyone I ever come into contact with!! GUILTY! But what shocked me about this list, was that THIS is what is considered flirting in our society? What happened to actual words? Context? The suggestion of romance or sex… don’t these things count? Isn’t the purpose of “flirting” to express sexual availability and interest? Are we so deprived for human connection that engaging in any type of connected interaction is considered a flirtation? I assure you that I am an educated, confident woman, who IF I were sexually available or interested in you, would be quite capable of clearly relaying that message to you. I hope that more people will blur these imposed lines (who created them anyway?!) with me. I choose NOT to live in a world where men need to be seduced into a financial arrangement with women, where women are not property to be possessed. I CHOOSE to live in a world, where men and women can be intimate friends, and then communicate their needs and desires if they crave more.

I am saddened for our future if basic human behaviors aren’t safe from assumption and insinuation. I hope that more people will continue to simply laugh, smile, call me by name, and look me in the eye, while touching me in appropriate ways…

To hear more about AcroYoga and how it encourages safe touch, listen to my AcroYoga partner Tari Mannello and I discuss it on my show Play with Me, on Playboy Radio!