Tuesday, January 21, 2020

Double the pleasure, double the fun!

Double Penetration can involve a myriad of configurations! Double penetration isn’t just designated for penis to vagina and penis to anus combinations. DP’s can also be double vaginal or double anal, and can involve one, two, or three people!

Solo DP’s

Thanks to the creative geniuses behind pleasure products, DP’s are accessible to solo players as well! You can use double-headed dildos, dual shafted vibrators, or two separate toys to penetrate your orifices. Some even have suction cup bases to make it easier to ride them cowgirl or back it up in the shower.

Partner DVP’s and DAP’s

Double vaginal and double anal penetration can be done solo, or with a partner, or two! While two penises attached to two bodies is a little more challenging, it can be extremely pleasurable for everyone involved. You definitely want to have lube on hand (latex friendly lube if you’re using condoms for safety), and some stamina. You can have one penis wearing partner laying on a bed, or sitting in a chair, straddle the receiver on top of them facing forward or away, with the second penis entering once the first is inserted. Both penises will be stimulated by the sliding against each other, and everyone will notice the increased tightness of the orifice. The givers will feel more compression and sensation of the other, and the receiver will feel more fullness and stretching of the opening. A suspension system is also a great way to make positioning easier for this type of play.

If only one additional partner is included, they can wear a dual penetration ring to add the extra insertion to the mix, or use a separate dildo or vibrator manually.

For those who are new to double vaginal or anal penetration, couples toys like the Lelo Tiani are a great starter toy. The inserted piece is slim and vibrates, increasing sensations for both parties while adding the extra girth.

Regardless of the type of double penetration, lube is an absolute must. The opening of the vaginal and anal canals are thin skinned and can tear easily. Using digital play and massaging the orifice is also helpful to relax and stretch the muscle.

Any type of new play enhances intimacy with your partner, so take things slow, explore the sensations, and always give a new experience at least two tries before you decide whether or not you like it.

Friday, January 18, 2019

Change the way you date... advice for 2019

While technology has clearly changed the way we date, there are also many other social changes in place that have affected how we view dating, mating, and commitment.

We’ve seen the staggering percentages of marriages that end in divorce and our approach to long term commitments is evolving. We aren’t just looking for “the one.” We want autonomy, freedom, and happiness. We want to love someone who also loves us unconditionally. We want more than someone to take care of us, because the reality is, we can take care of ourselves. We don’t want a commitment, we want partnerships. Our love and affection isn’t for barter, it’s a gift. A gift to the person who sees us and loves us as we are.

Social media and dating apps provide endless possibilities for sex, friendship, and romance. For some, this opportunity is daunting. Swiping right gives us boosts of dopamine and juicy hormones confusing our heart by what feels good to the brain and body. But by feeding this never ending hunger for oxytocin and pleasure, we lose sight of what we really crave…. connection. Not only is one of you continually searching for the next fix, you both are, as are the other people in your list of matches. The potential for authentic connection doesn’t stand a chance. You’ve also got a job and a life to attend to while you’re managing all these possibilities.

But for others, these apps produce a faster result for fulfilling a need. For those who know themselves, and can separate love from infatuation, and physical desire from mediocre sex, technology is merely an outsourcing tool. They navigate these platforms with ease and can see beyond the noise of “likes,” “matches,” and “pokes.” They aren’t falling prey to the drama of “ghosting,” and “gas-lighting” because they know exactly what they want from these encounters. They aren’t giving anything away in exchange for false adoration and attention, they simply are enjoying it.

So how do you blend both sides of the modern dating spectrum? Honor yourself, and have integrity. Sure, easier than it sounds. But without those key traits, it doesn’t matter if you’re finding people on Tinder, or doing it the old fashioned way and being introduced to friends of friends… dating will remain unsuccessful and exhausting, and potentially painful.

Know yourself and understand your own needs first. What do you actually want out of a relationship? Long term potential? A fun hook-up? Regardless of what you determine is your motivation, act with honesty toward the person on the other side of the screen or restaurant table. Do them a solid by responding to text messages, even if you have to say, "you’re not interested.” Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not, if you can’t have casual sex, don’t. If you don’t want to spend loads of money on expensive dates without the date including sex, don’t.

You’re not an asshole for feeling that way, you’re an asshole for not saying anything at all, and then ghosting. By being true to ourselves first, and inviting someone to spend time with us, we lead the way to authentic connections. Take a risk. Be straightforward about what you want. In the end, we all know there isn’t the “one that got away” anymore…. we can always find them on Facebook.

Monday, December 17, 2018

Intimacy Choreography for Films and Television!

I am thrilled to announce that I am broadening my movement coaching and intimacy advice to enhance the working environments on film and television sets. After reading about HBO's use of an Intimacy Choreographer, I knew it was something that aligned my passions for Sex and Consent Education, as well as movement coaching and performance choreography.

As a former actor who was hired for striptease, simulated sex scenes, stage fighting, and nude work, I often needed to navigate potentially uncomfortable scenes with co-stars, directors and crew. Through years of movement coaching, sex and consent-based education, partner yoga, and erotic dancing, I have acquired a specialized skill set. I not only have a passion for all aspects of intimacy choreography, but also an ability to observe and break down movements.

To learn more about my methods for creating choreography, working with actors, and availability and rates, email AskMiyoko@gmail.com

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Yellow Fever eats raises consciousness about stereotypes, and makes a tasty bowl of rice. I'd say, "SUCCESS!"

The small chain of Asian rice and noodle dishes has made it the New York Times, but not for their delicious eats. Yellow Fever is under attack by "critics" who call their name irresponsible. According to the New York Times, these critics say, "they are making little effort to challenge ideas of how Asian women are viewed sexually.

Ummm, seems like they are indeed challenging these ideas, as the debate has officially begun. Let's also acknowledge that I don't expect the restaurant who serves my food to challenge my thoughts on social change. I also do want my food experience to be as satisfying as sex, if I can. I want it to tempt me visually, cause my body to go into a state of pleasure reception, and complete the food orgasm by actually tasting delicious when I put it into my mouth and swallow. Yes, I have had food give me that total experience, Yellow Fever isn't one of them unfortunately. Their food is tasty and delicious; however, but as a small walk up restaurant, they deliver on the promise of fresh, flavorful foods, that are quick and cheap.

As an Asian-American woman, I am certainly not offended by the name, even though I laughed when I saw the title. I expected to see scantily clad Asian women holding bowls of rice when I clicked on the Instagram account, but was equally thrilled when I saw a family friendly feed of images that expressed their small business vibe of serving great food in a casual atmosphere.

So, is the name offensive? Even my "white" husband didn't understand the derogatory reference, and he's married to an Asian-American woman. Does asking Yellow Fever to change their name, thereby avoiding the term, change the social consciousness? And... where do we stop?

Should Puma have to change their shoe brand because it also shares the word with a derogatory reference to women? Should all schools and Universities with mascots of Cougars be asked to switch to something less offensive? At some point, we have to understand that the responsibility of our words belong to us, and how we interpret them. Words are fueled with intention, and are not bad because of the words themselves, but how we use them.

Thank you Yellow Fever for serving up not only a social debate, but also food we can love a long time.

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

What every woman should know about SEX!

While I was thrilled to contribute to this Article on Bustle.com, I was sad that they only shared bullet points. Here's the extended version of my input in case you needed a little more explanation. After all, Educated sex, is better sex.

Can I have sex while wearing a tampon?

Yes! While having sex during your period may not be your preferred time of the month, there are options. If your partner isn't comfortable with the presence of blood or you are worried about making a mess, you can leave a tampon or natural sea sponge inserted to absorb excess fluid. Natural sea sponges are available at most drug stores and are easy to rinse and reuse. The tampon or sponge will stay in the vaginal canal as the cervix is designed to keep anything from entering the uterus. It may get lodged deep inside the vaginal canal however, and will need to be removed by inserting a finger and hooking onto the tampon or sponge while bearing down. He will most likely be able to feel the tampon or sponge but if fluid reduction is the goal, this is a viable option. Sex in the shower is always a fun alternative.

**If it's not that time of the month, inserting toys such as Ben Wa balls are a stimulating additional to intecourse for both partners. He will have the benefit of an added stroking sensation and they will both enjoy the feeling of tightness and added stimulation. I recommend using a set that has a retrieval cord for easy removal.

Not all sex involves penetration.

"Sex" is a catchall phrase that includes all types of play and stimulation. But when we say, "We had sex, " or "Do you want to have sex?" we generally assume that means penis to vaginal penetration. Sex requires conversation. Too often we "fall into bed" or get "caught up by passion," taking the responsibility of sex out of the equation. "Alcohol made me do it," is a common statement. But what pleasure and intimacy do we truly achieve through accidental encounters? As women we need to be aware of our feelings and desires and ask for what we want. Perhaps you just want to have a passionate make out session with someone. Maybe you want an orgasm but don't want to be penetrated. These are conversations that we feel we aren't allowed to have, we're embarrassed to talk about sex... even if we do it, we can't talk about it. The reality is, both partners will find more pleasure if you do. For women, voicing our desires is empowering, being empowered gives us confidence, and confidence is sexy.

Blue balls are not your problem.

Many women are conditioned to believe that if we tease or flirt with a man to the point of him getting an erection, that we are somehow responsible for helping him relieve it. Erections can come from all sorts of stimulation, both sexual and non-sexual. You are not responsible for getting your partner off. Period. Should you decide to engage in sexual acts that lead to orgasm for your partner, it is mutually consensual decision. You might decide to have a mutual masturbation session, oral sex, or penetrative sex, all of which are options and should be on the menu in any order and with the option to opt out of any or all.

Be specific about your needs and desires ahead of time, and if things get steamier than you'd planned and you're not ready or willing to proceed, as him for masturbate for you. Saying something sexy like, "I'd love to watch you stroke yourself off for me." Is a huge turn on that allows him to finish and you to retain your boundaries without losing any sex appeal. Plus you'll learn how he likes to play with himself and what turns him on. Then you can regroup and decide if you want to pursue a sexual encounter when hormones aren't in overdrive.

Not all penises are created equal.

While men are exposed to all shapes and sizes of penises in the locker room, women have a limited expectation of what an average penis should be. Some are large, some are small, some are thin, some are fat. Some curve down, some curve to one side, some have big mushroom heads, others are pointy. Some have foreskin, others don't. We are surprised by what we find when his pants are dropped and while we don't want to judge, we might not be the best at concealing our initial reactions. What's important to note is that they all work the same. They feel good when they are touched, licked, sucked and stroked, and can feel equally as good inside of us if the man its attached to is a present and considerate lover. Don't be too attached to what a perfect penis looks like. Be open to exploring all the beautiful differences and see what you like best about them. And should you be stared down by a penis you don't think you can love, know that there are alternative options. A man who is less endowed can use a hollowed strap on to increase size for his lover. A man with more to love can use a masturbator sleeve at the base to create a stopper to ease the depth of penetration. Ultimately a mans penis shouldn't define him, or decide his fate. Be as gentle with his emotions as you'd want him to be with yours. You may be pleasantly surprised to find that you'll get the most pleasure with a body you didn't expect.

Thursday, September 10, 2015

"My husband and I want to start playing with anal toys, but what kind should we get?!"

I recently got a message from a client who wanted to start exploring anal play, but didn't know what she would like. Here's some suggestions of what's available and what products might be the right fit for your tush!

If you are new to anal play, one of the best types of toys you can try is an anal plug. It is available in a range of sizes, materials and shapes. If your goal is to insert something into the anus for the first time and experience the sensation of having something in your bum, then you may want to opt for something smaller and graduate to a larger plug once you know you like the feeling, or your goals change.

I really like the glass plug from Pipedreams Icicles collection. It’s only about 2 inches long and will slide in easily with a little lubrication. This plug could easily be worn during foreplay and intercourse and will add an extra sensation of fullness as well as excitement for you and your lover. Just the thought of knowing that something is in your tush is an erotic suggestion to fuel hot and sexy playdates.

The icicles 46 is shaped for his pleasure. The slight bulbous tip is curved to stimulate the prostate gland and provide him with intense sensations and pressure. The smooth glass glides in easily with a little lubrication, and you can rotate the shaft to find his favorite spot. His prostate is located inside the anus and up toward his penis. He can lie on his back while you stroke his penis and rub his testicles. Or you can ride him reverse cowgirl and play with his prostate while you take care of your own pleasure.

If your desire is to create an anal journey of pleasure and exploration, anal beads are a perfect addition to your bedroom toybox. Beads are not a simple insert and leave in type of toy. Your lover will delicately communicate and insert each bead as your body accepts them. Then you can either leave them in during intercourse, and slide them out as you climax, or your lover can insert and withdraw randomly while they also play with your clitoris or add finger or penis penetration into the receiver’s vagina, or if the receiver is male, orally pleasure and manually stroke the shaft of the penis. The sensation of delicious surprise as each bead slides in or out is an intense and pleasurable experience in an intimate area of your body.

Want to penetrate your partners booty, but don’t have a penis? No problem! You can strap on a dildo and experience the dominance and dynamic of giving someone else pleasure. Even though you don’t “feel” the actual sensation that they would, the visual of seeing yourself disappear inside your lover, and hearing the sounds of them moaning is a highly erotic way to experience of pleasure of giving. Have your lover “accept” you and take you in, while your hands are free to touch, massage, spank, or squeeze your lovers body. You can move slow, and lightly caress and squeeze them, kissing them deeply while they face you. Or try having them bent over on all fours, and enjoy the assertive touch of spanking them while you penetrate them deep and hard. Make sure you communicate the types of touch, play, and penetration they like, so you both can enjoy consensual and pleasurable intercourse.

Or maybe you like the idea of penetrating, but don’t want to actually strap one on? There are several probes and vibrators designed to be inserted into the anus. I recommend hard plastic, glass, wood, metal, and silicone materials for safe and comfortable anal play. The size and shape of the probe or vibrator depends on the person receiving it. Ask them what appeals to them. Show them a few different styles and ask what they would prefer. Will this be used to prepare their anus for penile penetration later? If so, they might want a few different types of toys to slowly bring their muscles to a relaxed and stretched state before you penetrate them with your own man parts. Anal plugs tend to taper to a thinner girth at the base. While this is great for the feeling of fullness during play, it may not stretch the actual sphincter enough to accommodate your penis when the time comes. Adding a second toy that maintains it’s girth at the base might allow your lover’s muscles to stretch more to accept your average-to-large member.

And let’s not forget the lube! The anal canal does not self-lubricate for penetration. Always include a lubricant that provides some slip and slide for the receivers comfort and pleasure. I recently had the opportunity to try Uberlube…. and will be keeping it on my nightstand from now on. I am a fan of silicone lubes in general for anal play as they stay slick longer, don’t tend to get sticky, and provide enough lubrication for penetration to feel sexy. Uberlube kept it’s viscosity during play, and then was easily washed off, or just rubbed in afterward. I didn’t have to keep applying lube, or adding spit to make it stay slick, which was a huge plus. I could just focus on the pleasure at hand… and fingers…

A few tips from Kenneth Play and Charlie Glickman were to also have towels, wipes for easy clean up, and latex or polyurethane gloves and condoms handy. Anal play does lend itself to bacterial exposure so take steps to keep the playtime clean and safe. Wearing gloves on hands and putting condoms on toys or penises keeps playtime continuous. You won’t have to jump up and wash off when you’re ready to move onto other things! And most importantly, COMMUNICATE!! Anal play can be a scary or uncomfortable prospect, but can also create intense pleasure and intimacy in your relationships. So discuss what each of your fantasies and desires are, as well as boundaries as you explore, and you’ll discover new erotic sensations together.

If you need more tips on types of anal play and techniques for how to please your lover during anal play, listen to the entire episodes of my Anal August shows on Play With Me on Playboy Radio!

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Spring Clean your Toy Box! Are your sex toys safe?

I did an article back in 2009 entitled "What's in your Toy?" Six years later, we have even more options, creating even more questions about whether or not your battery operated boyfriend is not just good to you, but good for you. So I've updated the list of sex toys materials to include more information about how to choose your toy, as well as the sexy types of things you can put on, and in your body. From hard plastic to polished wood, I'll give you the reasons you might want to toss your old standby, or pick up something new this season.

Most of the original vibrators were made from hard plastic. Hard plastic vibes have been on the scene for a long time, are lubricant friendly, transfer vibrations well, are non-porous and can be cleaned and sanitized easily. What does this mean for you? It can be used with either water-based, or silicone lubes, will give you enough vibration to get you off, and are made from materials that are safe, i.e.: does not contain the controversial phthalates we have heard so much about.

Care and Feeding of your Hard Plastic Toys: Hard plastic can be cleaned with soap and water, toy cleaner, and sanitized with a solution of rubbing alcohol and water. Because they are non-porous, they can be stored virtually anywhere. But why not keep them clean and ready for your next moment of inspiration?! Be careful not to get the battery compartment wet! And always remove your batteries to prolong the life of the battery and avoid corrosion.

Later, softer materials for toys were introduced. Jelly toys come from a porous rubber material with chemical phthalates added. While their have been no conclusive studies on phthalates in sex toys, the use of these materials in our children's toys has been banned. These toys generally have a strong smell when you open the package, and can feel sticky or tacky. Conscientious retailers are proud to no longer carry jelly toys. Eco-friendly and health conscious consumers are avoiding purchasing products that are toxic. But does that mean you need to toss your favorite BOB? Nope, you can use a condom on your jelly toy if you are concerned about exposure to phthalates.

Care and Feeding of your Jelly Toys: Only water-based lubricant is recommend for jelly toys. Clean your jelly toys with mild soap and water, or toy cleaner, and store in a cool, dry place, rather than an airtight container. Be careful not to get the battery compartment wet! And always remove your batteries to prolong the life of the battery and avoid corrosion.

Jelly toys will leach onto other things, so make sure you store them wrapper in a paper towel, or toy bag that is breathable so your jelly toys don't melt and breakdown.

Silicone was introduced to sex toys in the 1980's, and is widely used and popular today. While it is one of the most popular materials for toys, not all silicone is created equal. When choosing a silicone toy, stick to food or medical grade silicone for the safest in silicone toys. Medical grade silicone is hypoallergenic, hygienic, boilable, bleachable, and even dishwasher safe. Some resources suggest that silicone lubricants may not be used on silicone toys, but they can as long as the toy and the lubricant are both of a high quality. How can you tell? I recommend doing a patch test. Rub some on the base of the shaft of the toy, as far away from where you'll want to insert it, just in case. Apply a small amount and check back later for any changes to the surface area.

Care and Feeding of your Silicone Toys: Silicone toys, like hard plastic, can be cleaned with soap and water, toy cleaner, and sanitized with a solution of rubbing alcohol and water. Because they are non-porous, they can be stored virtually anywhere. Be careful not to get the battery compartment wet! And always remove your batteries to prolong the life of the battery and avoid corrosion.

Elastomer is a compound that does not contain phthalates. It starts out soft and has products added to make it harder (unlike PVC that has chemicals added to make it softer). There are no solvents or latex in Elastomer. But to look at it, how can one tell the difference? Look for toys labeled as TPE or TPR. While the type of plastic is a healthier option, it is not a completely non-porous material.

Care and Feeding of your Elastomer Toys: Silicone toys, like hard plastic, can be cleaned with soap and water, toy cleaner, but cannot be disinfected. Be careful not to get the battery compartment wet! And always remove your batteries to prolong the life of the battery and avoid corrosion.

Latex and Rubber: Latex is made from rubber. These toys wear out faster, and can be harmful to people with latex allergies. This material is very porous; therefore, toys made of latex should not be shared unless used with condoms. While mild soap and water, or toy cleaner can be used to clean latex toys, but using condoms makes it easy and fast! While many health and safety conscious retailers are no longer carrying these types of products, you don't have to give up your favorite toy. If you are concerned about the potential toxicity, using a condom can reduce the exposure. Safe sex works with toys as well as people.

Care and Feeding of your Latex and Rubber Toys: Latex and Rubber cannot be sanitized. Clean with soap and water or toy cleaner. Because they are porous, be sure to store in a breathable wrap or bag to keep it clean in between uses. Be careful not to get the battery compartment wet! And always remove your batteries to prolong the life of the battery and avoid corrosion.

Glass is gaining popularity, and is one of MY personal favorite materials for toys. While some women consider this firm material scary, we have grown up with it. We use it in our kitchens on a daily basis, and know it's safety and durability. Glass is non-porous making it anti-bacterial. It also requires little lubrication, making it ideal for all kinds of intimate play. Even though it is difficult to break, be sure to inspect glass toys before each use.

The care and feeding of your glass sex toys… You can clean glass with soap and water, a solution of rubbing alcohol and water, sanitize with a solution of water and bleach, boil in water, or clean in the dishwasher! They are completely non-porous and will not harbor bacteria. You can store them virtually anywhere and some pieces are so beautiful, they beg to be displayed.

Got Wood? Wood initially made me do a double-take. Then I investigated further. NobEssence™ hand-selects their woods, carves, and meticulously polishes all of their sculptures using the highest American standards of craftsmanship. Their silky-smooth, state-of-the-art, bio-compatible Lubrosity prevent problems such as splintering and splitting. This coating is a completely Phthalate free, odorless and colorless finish which forms an impermeable barrier to chemicals and bacteria. Lubrosity meet USP Class IV and VI Medical Standards. Sculptures attentively encapsulated in Lubrosity coatings are odorless, may be soaked in water, and remain in body-contact for hours at a time - no waxes to melt away, no salad bowl oils to leach out or maintain, and no toxic petroleum distillates. Sculptures are odorless, may be soaked in water, and can remain in body-contact for hours at a time... ummmm, if you wanted to leave it in and watch a movie...?

The care and feeding of your handcrafted wood toys… You can clean wood with mild soap and water, a solution of rubbing alcohol and water. They are completely non-porous and will not harbor bacteria. You can store them virtually anywhere and like glass, some pieces are so beautiful, they look lovely left out for display.

Metal toys! Another one of my favorite materials for penetration. Metal is cool to the touch, and heats up with body contact. It is HEAVY... and gives the receiver a feeling of presence. It is also non-porous, easy to clean, and won't harbor bacteria. Njoy products are designed with solo or partner play in mind, and are perfect for G-spot and prostate exploration. Great for vaginal or anal penetration, or vaginal TO anal, but make sure you clean your toys when going from anal to vaginal play. My favorite design is the Pure Wand. Ideal for giving pressure to the G-spot or prostate while comfortable stimulating the clitoris for her manually or orally. And a lovely way to provide anal or perineal stimulation for him while you're on top, or reaching around.

The care and feeding of your metal toys… You can clean metal with mild soap and water or a solution of rubbing alcohol and water. They are completely non-porous and will not harbor bacteria. You can store them virtually anywhere but most manufacturers provide beautiful boxes or cases to store them between uses.

Pipedream products launched the Metalworx collection, which has made the purchase of metal toys more available to the general population.

The bottom line is: whatever you use on or in your body, be sure to choose, clean and store them carefully. Your toys will give you many moments of pleasure, so play responsibly!

**How to store your new BOB?Wrapper in a clean paper towel and tucked in a drawer is fine. You can also hide it in clean sock or toy bag. Make sure they are not touching other toys and are not too warm. Taking the batteries out in between uses will prolong the life of the batteries and avoid corrosion.

To listen to the full show Ep. 21 on Play With Me On Playboy Radio, click here