Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Miyoko's Last Minute Holiday Gift Guide!- Start the new year off with a BANG!

Gift giving can be precarious… what do you get to the person you lay down next to every night, and wake up to every morning. What gift says, “I love you.” But also, “I WANT YOU!!!” What gift would she actually appreciate and want to use with you.

Definitely don't expect to send that message with something practical like a toaster, or a scarf. Women can be a challenge to buy for, but ultimately, we want more intimacy. We crave connection, want to feel desired, and to experience mind-blowing sex. So what can you give to the object of your affection that won't make her feel objectified?And what can you do for her this holiday that won't empty out your wallet?!

First, my top pics...

1. Liberator bedroom shapes-I love the functionality of these positionary aids. The positions and possibilities are endless, but the support of the foam pillow allows you to hit the right spots, while sustaining the angle until she gets her beloved "O." Oral sex, missionary, doggie style... all made better by one simple shape.

2. Vesper by Crave-this whisper quiet, exquisite piece of art won't break the bank, but will show your goddess how much you love her sexy side. Rechargeable via USB cable, this fine piece of "O" inducing ass provides clitoral stimulation or sensual vibrating insertion anytime throughout the day. Give her the gift of pleasure at her fingertips, and trust me, she'll return the favor.

3. Bubble Love-This truly and completely submergeable toy provides a bubble blast to your clitoris. For the women who like water play, this device can be used in the tub, and provides an added bonus to your relaxing bath. Forget Calgon..Bubble Love take me away. Dildo attachment is also available for those who like a little

4. Embrace Body wand by Cal Exotics-This rechargeable cordless vibrating handheld massager is powerful enough to work out the kinks in your neck, but also for ensuring an orgasm every time!! Handheld plug-in massagers are discreet enough to leave out on the bedside table, and powerful enough to potentially bring him to hand free climax.... um, yeah... highly recommended.

5. Intro to S&M Kit by Sex & Mischief-a great way to introduce light bondage into your bedroom play! Fur-lined handoffs make restraining sexy, while the blindfold allows for sensory deprivation experience, and the black leather whip provides a light tickle as it dances over your lover's flesh, or a sting as it whips their body in various places. You decide the level of play, and of course, always have a safe word.

Next, the amazing products I had the pleasure to review for this Holiday Season...

1. Ovo Lifestyle Toys-a brand I was familiar with, but had no tactile knowledge of. This gorgeous collection of USB charged and battery operated products are made of 100% body safe materials. High grade medical silicone cover most of these sleek and sensual toys. Just touching the toys themselves inspired my vagina. They have a very sexy design that spark sexual energy, and can be used to stimulate multiple areas of the body. If she's really into oral sex, gift her the S1... and watch her orgasm from powerful flickering tongue-like sensations. Wanna play together? Grab an A1 and experience the luxury together.

2. Cal Exotics Entice vibes and light bondage accessories-these ultra sexy products beg to be played with...toys and tools to bring your Fifty Shades inspired fantasy to reality. The silky brocade bar gag is enough to get the point across without making breathing difficult, and making them look oh so seductively restrained. Feathered nipplets are adjustable to accommodate different sized nipples, and can be used as decorative jewelry or to create an actual pinch.

3. Screaming O-inexpensive but quality toys that make sex fun and pleasurable! I love this brand!! All of their couples rings and vibrators come with batteries, so you're all set to play! Small enough to fit into a stocking, or grab a few and box them up for a night of festive fun! The Vibro-man is a trio of vibrations. The kit includes a cock ring, a finger vibe, and a tongue vibe, so that everywhere you touch, with any part of your body, sends pleasurable vibes.

4. Dreamgirl International-Sexy Holiday lingerie and themed attire make playing Ms. Santa even more hot. Their one size fits most pieces (Plus line also available) are well made and include most of the accessories you'll need to pull the look off!

What to give that “special friend.” Do you need to give a gift to your fuck buddy? Friends with benefits? We polled several people and while some said “yes, something sexy,” and others said “No!” We all seemed to agree that IF you decide to gift to your sexy friend, it should revolve around sex. Romantic gifts, or sentimental gifts can be sketchy…. let’s face it, we don’t want to send the wrong message and risk losing the sexual relationship.

And lastly, what to gift to your lover that won't empty out your wallet? With communication being the key to great sex... most of what we crave is simply the idea of being desired.

1. Leave them a romantic love note, or wrap it up top it off with a bow!

2. Send them a sexy text message! If they're into dirty talk, this is even more of a treat!

3. Take a bath with them... pour your favorite drink of choice, light some candles, and just soak and talk... and let the stress of the holidays roll off, while the magic of reconnection rolls in...

4. Give them a sensual massage. And we don't mean it has to come with a happy ending. Really do something just for their pleasure... make it all about pampering them.

5. Feed them. Food has so many underlying messages and sexy undertones. Nourish them, tease them, delight their tastebuds... (and if you need help with food ideas, read this post about playing with food.) To hear the entire show about buying holiday gifts for your lover, listen to episode 18 on Play With Me on Playboy Radio!

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Let's Play With Our Food!

Does the idea of food and sex turn you on? We’ve just recently celebrated the biggest day for gluttony, and while most people think of it as a non-sexual holiday, I’m here to debate that idea. I find food incredibly sexy. The smells, the flavors, the textures of certain foods as they melt, dissolve or absorb into my mouth. I love the tangy, the salty, the sweet, and even the bitterness of foods, but they have to be the right flavors for the right foods. There’s something that happens when amazing food touches your lips. As the aromas are deeply inhaled through the nose, and the lips part slightly to feel the first contact. Is the food warm or cold? Does it feel hard or soft in your mouth? Does it melt onto your tongue or do you need to chew it to release it’s flavors? I can’t just “eat” a banana. I want to slowly ingest it’s goodness. I can’t simply bite and swallow for sustenance. I like to revel the inside of the banana first…. expose it’s naked flesh. Does it have bruising? Or is the yellow meat perfectly ripe and ready to be devoured? Then I slowly scrape the banana with my teeth to peel the outermost layer off, so I can chew and swallow a little at a time. It’s a strange ritual, that I must admit wasn’t my original idea. I watched a woman eat a banana in this way before, and while it was highly erotic, it is also the most effective way to enjoy the flavors of this phallic fruit.

So how does the brain respond to food? According to Reuniting.info we are attracted to food because of it’s pleasure and reward. We’ve all heard of Pavlov’s dog, but we generally don’t apply those concepts to our own human ways. We do create and associate experiences to pleasure in much the same way, remembering and responding to cues and conditions. So when we smell a specific food, we may be reminded of a pleasurable eating experience, and when those same flavors and textures are presented to us, our bodies respond favorably. Sounds a little like sex, right?

So can we actually orgasm through food consumption? A woman in the UK has been eating herself to orgasm, and has even created a porn site so you can watch. Gabi Jones has a condition called persistent genital arousal syndrome where she is able to achieve orgasm without sexual arousal. I’m glad I don’t have this condition. I already love food, if it gave me orgasms as well, I don’t think I’d ever leave my kitchen.

I do however love incorporating my love of food with my love of sex, and highly recommend that you play with your food. Food begs to be played with. Even as small children we are delighted by it’s textures and temperatures. We are taught NOT to play with our food, because clearly….. we WANTED TO!! So forget the restrictive lessons of your youth and get creative with your lover and your next meal together.

How can you introduce food into the bedroom? First, have a game plan. Don’t just start throwing your spaghetti at them and think they’re going to find it sexy. If your lover is a woman, she needs to know that there’s not going to be a huge mess to clean up afterward— huge orgasm inhibitor. So plan to either play away from home, or in the shower! Where clean up can be just as sexy as getting down and dirty…

Next, choose foods that beg to be licked, sucked, and devoured off of your lover’s body. Generally it’s best to stay away from anything spicy or temperature hot, unless you have edible candle wax. Dessert foods, chocolate sauce, honey, pudding, are all pretty safe bets.

Be careful not to get any sugary foods near the opening, or inside her lady parts. Sugary foods can affect a woman’s PH balance, and disrupt her delicate flora. Unless you don’t mind her being out of commission for a week afterward, just avoid eating her out like a chocolate fountain.

If you’re planning on using some stiff vegetables to penetrate your lover, make sure they’re clean and free from any loose parts, or slap a condom on it for extra sanitary measure.

Food and oral pleasures can bring on all kinds of sensory responses. From the associations and experiences we connect to the food itself, to the aromas, the textures, the temperature of foods… play with your lover, don’t just spray a dollop of whip cream and end the fun there. Find places to tease them with the food. Feed them. Pour liquids onto your body and let it roll into their mouths. Take a culinary journey with them. The goal isn’t to get to the sex, the sensual experience is what you’ve dedicated time to accomplish. Play…

To hear to the my show on playing with food, food play, which foods enhance your sex life, and which foods are known aphrodisiacs, listen to episode 16 on Play With Me on Playboy Radio!

Friday, November 28, 2014

How to shave your lover...

As Movember comes to a close, I felt it was the perfect follow-up to our previous post, "To Shave or not to Shave." While shaving his overgrown beard from his month of facial growth in support of men's health is NOT what we're talking about here... I suppose the same tips and techniques could be applied. I would definitely, however; consult with a trusted and known source for expert advice in this area. ;)

As for the nether regions, I feel pretty confident sharing my years of experience and expertise! Shaving your lover can be a super sexy and erotic experience for both of you. Not only because you're staring their private parts in the face, but because they've also trusted you with the most intimate bits and pieces. So take a deep breath, calm your nerves, 'cuz shaky hands aren't a good thing when you've a sharp object around their genitals.

1. First things first, BE PREPARED!! Shaving delicate parts require the right tools. A foamy shave cream for a smooth shave, and a new razor. A good disposable razor is fine for this. (You may also need some scissors if they haven't done much trimming in the area recently. Make sure the hair is short enough to be shave easily.)

2. Set the scene: Light some candles in the bathroom, but don't dim the lights too much (you need to see what you're doing, and you'll want to!!) Play some sexy tunes, pour yourselves a glass of wine, or a scotch neat, and settle in for the adventure ahead.

3. Warm the hair follicles with a hot bath, shower, or warm washcloth first.

4. Apply the foaming shave cream or work up a good lather with a soap, or use hair conditioner!

5. Always shave WITH the grain of the hair growth!! I will admit, there were times when I shaved against the grain of my hair growth, BUT I WAS A PROFESSIONAL!! I needed to get a super code shave, and I knew what the consequences might be! Don't take this risk with your lover's body. Razor burn sucks, and can potentially ruin the night.

6. Don't worry too much about the finished product. It's not about the end result, but about the experience. Use your wet fingers to run them over the area around their genitals and anus to make sure you haven't missed any stray hairs. Have them place a leg up on the side of the bathtub, or on a stool and kneel before them while you work. Tell them what you see. Comment on how much you love seeing their naked flesh.

Be careful with sharp objects!! Play safe, and have fun!

To hear to the full show on Shaving, listen to Episode 15 on Play With on Playboy Radio.

To Shave or Not to Shave?

Pubic hair is a touchy conversation. People either love it or hate it, and those who hate it think nobody should have it. I am surprised to hear women talk about other women’s bodies that offend them. “If you’re gonna be naked in the locker room, you need to whack that bush!” “Nobody wants to see that!” Don’t women who want to keep their natural hair “down there” deserve the same consideration as those who want to shave or wax it? No other topic I’ve discussed has ever garnered the same reaction as the question of whether or not to shave your pubic hair.

The fact is, we’ve been obsessed with pubic hair for centuries… even in early art history, pubic hair was taboo. Roger Friedland wrote an interesting dissertation on the topic of why pubic hair has been slowly disappearing. He points out that even artists such as Michaelangelo painted hairless nudes, as showing pubic hair was forbidden. When Francisco de Goya did create his work La Maja Desnuda with full bush for the Spanish Prime Minister (who kept it hidden in a private room, and only showed it to people he trusted), he was called before the Spanish Inquisition to defend himself and his art. The woman in the painting was not only showing her pubic hair, but was also looking right at you, the voyeur. The suggestion that she was not ashamed of her nakedness added to the scandal of the work itself. The controversial piece suggested a woman who owned her own sexual desire and that idea was frightening.

He goes on to explain that in the 1950’s and 60’s when nudity in film was banned, that producers would simply omit pubic to have the film approved. Edward Craven Walker (the creator of the lava lamp, and Naturism advocate) was able to successfully produce his naturist films by this little loop hole.

So when did pubic hair make it’s debut in the mainstream? 1974, the year Hustler showed bush for the first time. It was shocking to be actually showing the secret garden of sex and magic that lies between a woman’s legs…showing the raw, thought provoking, hormone inducing patch of fur that promised pleasure within.

And how did this divine moment lead to the disappearance of the bush? According to Friedland, it was also what was happening in the feminist movement and how Hustler as well as Playboy and other men’s magazines produced spin offs that could be considered a response to the Equal Rights Amendment of 1972. He theorizes that these liberated women of the time were full of hair, and men craved a return to the submissive, sexually available female who was available for his pleasure…. then came Barely Legal. Girls who looked so young, who had less pubic hair, who were ready and waiting to please. His suggests that the lack of pubic hair de-humanizes the female genitalia, creating an emotionally-free zone, free from the instincts of biology and reproduction, therefore allowing a blank space to simply fuck.

This theory definitely makes many valid points, but I wonder if those same points could also be used to argue that women were also empowered by taking control of their genitalia in the same way? Perhaps these women also wanted a sex life free from emotional ties and potential reproductive consequence. Perhaps desexualizing their own genitals made them feel more casual about sex for recreation.

Whatever the reason that pubic hair began disappearing in public, the general populace seems to be happy about it. While the small group of people I polled are about even when it comes to whether it should be gone, or allowed to roam somewhat trimmed, but freely, most definitely preferred it wasn’t wild. People associate pubic hair with uncleanliness. They commented on the possible smells, unwanted hitchhikers, and overall “mess” that could be connected with unruly pubes. So if you care what your lover might say about your bush being wild a free, I would suggest you trim it back before the first encounter, or simply ask what they prefer. If you’re a man or woman who likes your partner to have more than a hacked lawn, you may also want to ask them to go a little lighter on the trim.

Not all of us sexually active people prefer a bald vulva or penis. In fact, some of us are slightly less turned on when the pants come off and there’s no fur to nuzzle our faces into. Some of us love the fresh, and not-so-fresh smell of our lover at the end of a long day, so before you go crazy with the razor, have a conversation with your current sex partner and find out what they like to see and feel when you drop your drawers.

To listen to the entire episode on "To Shave or Not to Shave" on Play With Me on Playboy Radio, click here!

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Tinder Tips, Online Flirting, and how to sext your wife!!

The world of online dating and cyber flirtations is one that requires some experience and navigation. My single and divorced friends seem to fair pretty well, but I can't imagine having to actually sift through the plethora of potential mates that are readily available. Not to mention, the rejection, inappropriate and sometimes shocking messages that seem to be a part of the game.... and yes, it is a game.

There is definitely an element of fun and excitement that comes along with setting up a profile on any social media, and dating sites are even more hormone inducing. The fact that the you're even creating a profile on a dating site brings a certain testosterone and adrenaline boost. The thrill of the possibilities and the initial "likes" and "matches" pump chemicals straight from the brain into the bloodstream. Scientists are already testing theories on how these constant dopamine boosts affect our brain and body development, but for the time being, let's just concede that these responses do in fact exist. You know the feeling... your phone dings... your Facebook notifies you that someone likes your post... your Instagram and Twitter accounts boast new followers... dopamine, dopamine, dopamine... reward for a job well done.

Now let's apply this to the online dating scene. You post a profile, you swipe right on a hot girl or guy, and it's a match! Instant wood.... later you get a notification that they like your "moment," or has sent you a "message." GAME ON. What happens from here is entirely in the way you play it.

Guys: If you send a message, try something more than "Hi." Or "Hello." Unless it's a very enthusiastic "Helloooooo...." followed by an excited Emoji. Give us girls some recognition. Comment on something you saw or read on the profile. Make us feel a little special. Whether you want to actually date us or just have sex with us… it’s all the same game. Make conversation. Give us a chance to feel comfortable with you. If we’re DTF, we’ll let you know. The banter will come naturally.

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES start sending immediate messages about your dick, her mouth, or any other sexual part of her body!!!


If she hasn’t asked for a pic of your third leg, don’t send it… no matter how awesome you think you are. We just don’t respond well to uninvited images of your bits and pieces, sorry guys. Women need an emotional component to visual stimuli, we don’t need to be in-love, but we need… something…

That being said, once she’s asked for a naughty pic, make it good one. Bathroom selfies are fine, if you’re laying in bed, please take the socks off, or crop them out of the picture. If you’re hand is on your featured asset, make sure your nails and your joystick are clean.

Girls: It's pretty simple. What is the goal? If it's to find a real relationship, don't come on too strong with the flirtatious vibes. Tinder is generally known as a hook-up site, so be forewarned. But I also do know of people who like the people they meet on Tinder better than any other site or app, and even people who have gotten married. But be clear about your purpose. If you want to date a guy, don’t send seductive messages, or sexy selfies once you go off Tinder and onto texts. Wait until you’ve actually met them in person (and perhaps even had sex with them) before you send suggestive messages. It can be confusing to these poor guys who, let’s face it, may not know exactly what they want.

If you’re looking for a straight hook-up, be direct. Again, guys can be a little clueless, or even scared, so make your messages as plain as possible. That doesn’t mean they don’t like a little banter too, or even to feel like they’ve chase you a little bit… but DO let them know that you’re not playing games. Ask them to take the conversation off of Tinder, ask them for pics, so you know what you’re getting when the clothes come off, and that they actually do look like their profile pics. Be cautious of which racy pics you send, no faces or identifying marks!! If this is a "hit it and quit it" situation, you can’t trust that they won’t be shared.

Here are a few tips for getting your profile liked on these apps and sites:

1. Both sexes: Use your best pics first! The initial swipes are based on looks… shallow, but true. If you’re not the most attractive guy or gal, ask an honest pal which pics make you look the most interesting or appealing. NO Seatbelt car pics... for real. And try to post pics that show a variety of facial expressions to really show your personality.

2. Guys: Don’t post pics of you with a fish! Women just don’t care. If you are into fishing, tell them in person. If you’re trying to send subliminal messages about your ability to provide food for me… uh. please don’t … Ladies: This applies to your pics with your kids. Yes, you're a mom, but unless you're looking for a replacement daddy, nobody cares about your kids yet. Just write it in the profile description.

3. Both sexes: Don’t post multiple pics with a bunch of friends. First of all, they'll have to figure out which one is you, and they might think one of your friends is hot. So if they did date you, and your friend showed up somewhere, it could get complicated. One is fine, multiples is just asking for a left swipe.

4. Both sexes: Make sure we can see your face clearly. If there are too many far away shots… it’s a left swipe.

5. Both sexes: Pics with puppies and or cats... play this one modestly. Guys: we know you're playing with our emotions here, so just know that we're on to you. Girls: Too many cat pics are a red flag... just saying.

So how do the married people get in on the game? Send naughty messages to each other!! Pretend as though you're meeting online for the first time, and start a conversation. Perhaps you're created "stage names" ahead of time, so you know that when your husband or wife refer to you as a certain name, that it's time to play. Give them the dopamine jolt by dinging their phone with flirtatious and sexy messages throughout the day. Ask them to meet you for coffee, or a cheap motel room and play out the fantasy of hooking up for the first time. Not only do you get to flirt with your partner, but the two of you can also play out roles that might be different from your everyday lives. Don't let the stress of work and family life kill your sex-life with your partner. Find ways to create fun games and new sexual experiences for each other to keep them lusting you, even after all these years.

If you need tips on how to take a sexy selfie, read my post here!

To hear to the full show on Tinder Tips, Online flirting, and how to sext your wife, listen to Episode 15 on Play With on Playboy Radio.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Get Jacked! Which rabbit is right for you?

With so many choices available, how’s one to decide which rabbit is “the one?” This question may seem trivial, but just like men, rabbits come in all different shapes, sizes, options, and colors. They provide different types of stimulation, come with different motors, and provide you with different orgasms.

So let’s break it down like we would a lover:

The Romantic

The Sport Fuck

The Ass Man

The Voyeur

The Giver

The Romantic-Just like his title suggests, the Romantic is a deep kisser. They like to breathe you in and give you pleasure that feels like a long delicious exhale. Can a rabbit really do that, you ask? Depends on the rabbit. I had the pleasure (literally) of reviewing one such rabbit. There's something about the sensual rotation of this particular shaft, and the velvety smooth silicone material that slides easily inside with very little lubrication... Just saying.

The Sport Fuck- You know him… he’s always good for an energetic bang, and he can do it for hours… great if you want to skip the gym and make sex your workout. He isn’t much into emotional connection, in fact, he may not actually look you in the eyes at all. It doesn’t matter, because you can’t really take your eyes off his fine ass body anyway... and by the time he’s done with you, you look like you’ve been through the tumble dry. You’d be satisfied getting drilled by this powerful rabbit… may I introduce you to the Power Bumper …

The Ass Man-No matter what position this lover puts you in, you know they’ll never really be happy unless they get to play with your ass. And this works just fine for you, you like a little ass play every now and then too. There are a few triple stimulators out there, but this one provides a flexible slim probe with it’s own dedicated bullet to stimulate the perineum, or insert into the anus for intense pleasure.

The Voyeur-aw yeah, they like to watch. You’ve seen the smile on their face widen as they watches you climax. The rabbit vibe itself is not the voyeur in this situation, but rather a key player to the scene. He straps to your lover’s leg to provide a front row seat to all your contorted and satisfied faces. In this scenario, you'll need two components, the strap on thigh harness, and the Jack Rabbit ring, but I promise you, with these two items, someone will be getting a great show. BONUS: you can use them separately for all kinds of other play.

The Giver- Just as the name suggests this rabbit vibe straps onto your lover’s body and gives them the ability to pleasure you. Imagine feeling the weight of them on top of you as you're being massaged internally, vibrated internally, and deeply kissed passionately by the person wearing the vibe… ‘nuff said.

To purchase any of these products, message me for details, or shop online and enter coupon code: PLAYME for free shipping on your entire order.

Hear the entire show and reviews of some of these rabbits on Episode 11 on my show Play With Me on Playboy Radio.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Bubble Love-a review of this bath time adventure toy!

Water is undeniably sexy.... there's something about the feeling of water lapping against your naked body, or dripping down your exposed flesh... even though the reality of sex on a warm sandy beach isn't as pleasurable as it sounds, we're still drawn to the fantasy of it.

It's about time that someone created a truly waterproof product that will allow women to fulfill these liquid fantasies in the comfort of their own bathtub, jacuzzi, or hell... dare I say, even a kiddie pool. That's right, this baby can work in as little as 6".... not that 6" is little...

So how does it work? When I first opened the box, I was a little confused, and afraid to break the sleek beauty. I went online to find instructions, and was thrilled to see a very adorable, easy to follow tutorial to get me set up.

Within minutes, I was ready to go. My hot bath was full, my body was tingling with anticipation, and I felt confident I could operate the equipment. I suctioned the motor to the base of my tub and fired her up. The flow of bubbles can be adjusted from a delicate tease to a blast of pressure. I was able to comfortably maneuver the stream of happiness to exactly the spot I wanted (unlike trying to position my lady parts below a water spout for any extended length of time). Success!! This toy definitely has what it takes to get the job done, but there's also the extras you can add on... Meet the Dilly...

He's hard, white, and girthy enough for most women's preferences... although may be a little much for women who don't want much to stimulate them internally. While I do like to masturbate this way sometimes, I found it a little less pleasurable than just using the bubbles alone. I also wasn't really prepared, and didn't have a silicone lube by the tub. Had I been a smart wanker, I would've been ready for anything. And as you might understand, once I was rub a dub-dubbing, I got too lazy to get out of the tub to grab my lube. It's okay though... there's always next time.

That's right, the Bubble Love is fully rechargeable, so feel free to use and abuse it. As long as you keep it juiced, it will be a faithful companion to your bath time adventures!

To purchase any of these products, message me for details, or shop online and enter coupon code: PLAYME for free shipping on your entire order.

Hear the entire show and review of The Bubble Love on Episode 4 on my show Play With Me on Playboy Radio.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Tune in Tokyo! Breast and Nipple play

We all remember the scene from Girl’s Just wanna have fun where the line, “Wanna play tune in Tokyo?” is delivered…. unless you’re simply not as old as I am… in which case, I’ll explain. Tune in Tokyo was the guy’s way of getting her hands up out of the way so he could cop a feel, and essentially play with the girl’s nipples. Men are notoriously fascinated with boobs, tits, fun bags, whatever other way you’d like to refer to breasts. But along with breasts, come the delicious little nubs of pleasure and delight, called nipples.

Nipples don’t get nearly enough play time. Generally when people talk about sex, it’s straight up P to V…. in different positions, if you’re lucky. And then if you’re really blessed, you might be able to include oral sex. I’m all about playing, and when I refer to sex, it includes any and every possible scenario! So let’s discuss the possibility and potential of nipple orgasms. Is it possible for a women to reach orgasm through the stimulation of her nipples alone?

According to fMRI studies, the same area of the brain is activated through nipple stimulation as is during clitoral, and vaginal stimulation. The sensory cortex is the activated in the same way during nipple stimulation, as it is during clitoral, vaginal, and cervical stimulation. So…. YES!!! You can orgasm through nipple stimulation alone.

I must say however that tweaking a nipple, sucking it briefly during foreplay, and sucking it during sex for a moment does not constitute nipple play. Guys, does licking the tip of your penis equal a blow-job? Would grazing your anus with a tongue during a blow-job equal a rim-job? I think not. So unless you’re really focusing your attention on the nipples for a solid 10 minutes, it doesn’t count as nipple play.

That being said: Here are five tips for bringing them to orgasm through nipple stimulation.

1. Get them ready to play-kiss them deeply, touch their body, whisper in their ear.

2. Spend time lick and massaging the entire breast, without touching their nipples.

3. Lap their nipples and all around the areola with a flat, soft, wet tongue.

4. Use the thumb and fore-finger to lift the nipple off the breast, and flick and suck the nipples alternately.

Keep going…. invest the time, keep licking and sucking the nipples to bring them to orgasm.

If your nipples, or your partners nipples aren’t as sensitive as you would like. Nipple clamps can be a great tool to create sensitivity. We reviewed the feather nipple clamps on Playboy Radio, and it got rave reviews! The sexy black feather tickler can be used all over the body to tickle and tease, and the adjustable clamps accommodate most all sizes of nipples! The tension can also be adjustable providing as little or as much pinch as you desire.

Click on the video below and hear what our panelists had to say.

To purchase any of these products, message me for details, or shop online and enter coupon code: PLAYME for free shipping on your entire order.

Hear the entire show on Episode 8 on my show Play With Me on Playboy Radio.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Talk Dirty to me

We’ve heard that men are more visually stimulated and women are more audibly stimulated. B what the studies really represent is the encompassing of all the senses for women to be truly turned on. While the actual physicality of the act of sex can stimulate the male brain, women require an emotional component to the visual. I’m not saying they have to see a romantic story per se, but that generally there needs to be a story attached to the act, thus creating an emotional piece to the scene.

So what does this have to do with talking dirty?

What you say is as important as how you say it. Whether you’re telling your girl she’s a dirty slut, or that she’s a goddess who deserves to be worshipped, you’re creating a feeling. Telling a story before, during, or after your hot sex session isn’t rocket science, but it’s definitely an art.

So how does your partner want to be talked to? What kind of sounds and words do they respond well to? And what words DON’T work for them? Have they told you how sexy you sound when you’re cumming? This is a good indication that they like hearing you. If you’re not sure if they’ll respond well to dirty talk, try whispering in their ear a few light and sexy phrases.

“You feel so good…”

“If you keep doing that, you’re going to make me cum.”

If they give you a a vocal response of any kind, they are probably open or at least intrigued by your words. This is a great way to test the waters before cannonballing in. After you’ve finished your session, talk about it. Ask them if they liked it when you talked in their ear. Ask them if they’d like you to talk more. Ask them what kind of things they’d like to hear. For example, many of our female panel wasn't turned on by the words penis and vagina. So saying, "I want to lick your vagina" may not get the juices flowing. Similarly, "Suck my penis" didn't make any top five lists either... in case you felt compelled to use the anatomical words for your sex bits. Some women would be be turned on by being called a "whore," while others would get up a leave. So find out their YES! words, as well as the ones that dry up the well, or shrivel the boys. Otherwise, tread lightly.

Once you get the green light, see where your dirty dialogue takes you! Will it be descriptive? Intructional? Or used for playing out fantasy scenarios? Will you tell them how you can wait to make love to them, or what they will be wearing when you get home from work, and what you will do to them if they are not obedient, or will you be the head master at an all girl's Catholic School who's just found out she has been smoking in the bathroom? The possibilities are endless when it comes to the magic that can spew from your lips. Let it flow, get creative, be frisky, be playful, and bask in the magic of your sexual lyrics.

New to Dirty Talk and need some tips? Here are some expert tips from former Phone Sex Operator and Sex Educator Ashley Manta!

1. Use someone else’s words… read straight from some erotica.

2. Practice out loud while you’re alone driving in the car, or while you masturbate. (bonus: it makes masturbation hotter too!)

3. Dirty Madlibs! You can fill in the blanks to create some super sexy and orgasm inducing statements. Dowload her free e-book here to get more tips to mind-blowing dirty talk.

Long Distance lovers? Start their day off with a naughty text and keep the fun going all day long. Arrange a day and time when you can both stay focused on your phone frolic! You'll be surprised how much the written word can keep people connected who are challenged by distance. Hone your skills via text and recorded voice memos and see how practice makes perfect when your expert prose finally has the chance to be spoken in person.

Listen to our full show Episode 7 on Playboy Radio, including some suggestions of talking dirty from our listeners, our panel, and the interview with Ashley Manta!

Monday, September 29, 2014

Would you have a threesome to save your marriage?

Okay, maybe not “save your marriage,” obviously I was going for the shock factor in the tagline. Clearly if you feel like you’d have to have a threesome to “save” your marriage, it’s probably in need of more than sexual variety. But would you be willing to invite another person into your sex life to spice up your long term otherwise monogamous relationship?

I know it sounds extreme, but hear me out. The odds are simply not in your favor when it comes to true lifelong sexual monogamy with your partner. Even the people who sign up for traditionally monogamous relationships are doomed to some kind of affair or infidelity to affect their partnership. It is estimated that up to 80% of marriages will be affected by an indiscretion by one partner or the other… whether it is actually discovered or not, of course, is the question. When asked if people would cheat if they knew they wouldn’t get caught, 84% of men said YES along with 68% of women. These are big numbers people!!

The good news is that when an infidelity is discovered, that 30% of marriages affected by the affair would work through it. So clearly, for a majority of people, sexual non-monogamy is ultimately acceptable. So why not communicate this desire with your partner before the lying, cheating, and drama unfold?

Consider discussing your boundaries more clearly before you commit to lifelong sexual monogamy. What wouldn’t be acceptable to you? Would you be okay if your partner had an affair on a work trip as long as you didn’t know about it? Would you be into watching your partner with another person? Would you be okay if they simply flirted and sexted online, but didn’t ever physically connect with the person? These are valid questions! Especially when a huge majority of men don’t consider online flirtations cheating….?! what?…really.

Ultimately it’s up to you to decide what is right for your relationship. If sex isn’t important to you, you may not feel the need to explore this concept further… but what if sex is important to your partner? Open the dialogue to discuss specifics. Then check in every year, or every 5 to 10 years if that’s more appropriate for your relationship.

Do you value honesty and communication? Do you value self-respect? These are things that should be clearly discussed. Many times people who discover an affair aren’t necessarily bothered by the sex, but by the opinion of others, should they find out. Would it devastate you to feel as though people knew you were disrespected by your partner? Would you be able to trust your partner again, after they had gone to great lengths to lie to you, or hide something from you for so long? 30% of affairs last an average of two years…. just saying…

Consider alternative forms of monogamy. We clearly understand the term sexual monogamy-having sex with only one person. But what about Social Monogamy? Serial Monogamy? Emotional Monogamy? These are actual terms and can be useful tools when navigating this conversation.

Social Monogamy-two people living together, having sex with one another, and basically forming a union to provide food, shelter, and comforts to each other. This is a great term for many American Marriages.

Serial Monogamy-the practice of exclusively having a relationship with one person, emotionally and sexually, until that relationship no longer benefits one or both. At which point one or both persons would create a similar relationship with the next compatible partner. Another great term for American marriages, given the divorce rate.

Emotional Monogamy-the intimate sharing of life with only one person. This term is used among Swingers and Polyamorist couples to ultimately highlight the differences between the two. Swingers generally are sexually non-monogamous and emotionally monogamous. Polys are know for being both sexually and emotionally non-monogamous, creating intimate bonds with multiple partners.

Did you even realize that all these detailed definitions of “marriage” existed? If you or your partner are in need of sexual or emotional attention outside of your marriage, it may be a conversation you might want to have. Many women, men, and couples have asked me for advice to get their partners to either pay more attention to them, or get them to enjoy sex more, or have sex more often. In other words, there’s a lack in these relationships! And my circle of influence is pretty small in comparison to the country, or the world.

Talk to each other. Understand that each of you has needs and desires that should be honored, celebrated, and hopefully met. Discuss boundaries, deal breakers, and personal limitations so that you can make decisions together about what you both want and need from your marriage. If you can’t even begin the conversation with your partner, consider couples therapy.

Thank you to Dr Samantha Rodman for her input and expert advice on my show “Have sex like you’re single again!” For married couples who want to spice things up in the bedroom.

And Kate Loree, LMFT who specializes in couples who are in the Swinging, Poly, Gay, Lesian, Porn, or other form of alternative lifestyles.

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Play With Me Review-The taco stroker by the Screaming O (AKA Paco's Taco)

All masturbator sleeves are not made alike. This silicone stroker is flat and floppy when not in use, but can be folded and wrapped up to create a tasty meat taco! Simply apply the hot sauce packet (lubricant) that's included, and watch the evening heat up.

The great thing about this sleeve versus other masturbators is the ability to use it interchangeably with your own hand or hands. Unlike sleeves that fully encompass the penis, this stroker leaves open space whenever and wherever you need it. It also is less rigid than many sleeves, making it more pliable and receptive to the natural movement of his, or your hand. The fact that you can still maintain a visual on his penis as it's being stroked is also a huge bonus!

But don't take my word for it, here's what our panel of testers had to say!

PartyGalsbyAmandaHillsdale.com said,"I like the texture of it, little ribbed sensation on it, accommodating for all different sizes. You don't have to be certain size. It's not going to have a pinch factor, it's a really excellent product."

SimplyPerfectToys.com said,"I discovered that it wasn't the stroke up toward the head, but rather the stroke downward that really did it for him. It was a completely different sensation, I felt like I had more control over what was happening. Thumbs up!!"

AdultToypartiesbyJen.com said,"It's like a piece of bologna! Ok, Time to spank your bologna... ha ha! It's a good tool for someone who is too small for a stroker (sleeve) or too big"

To purchase any of these products, message me for details, or shop online and enter coupon code: PLAYME for free shipping on your entire order.

Hear the entire show on Episode 4 on my show Play With Me on Playboy Radio.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Celebrity Nude photos leaked-scandal or a sign of things to er, come?

By now you must've heard about (and tried looking for) nude photos of celebrities like Kate Upton and Jennifer Lawrence that were leaked onto the internet. Apparently the FBI is getting involved as this invasion of privacy affects more than just the victims of the hacking, but it affects the security and privacy of us all. After all, if the elite and wealthy aren't safe, who is...? Or perhaps that's exactly why they're not safe? Being in the limelight certainly makes people into targets in our reality-obsessed, voyeuristic society.

But the media response to the situation is what has caused me to blog. The question being raised is, who is to blame, victims or hackers? And then there's the judgements surrounding these women (although there are penis pics too, yes, I've actually seen them)...

Let's start with the question about who is to blame. Is it the celebrity female's FAULT for taking graphic nude photos (or allowing themselves to be photographed, they are not all selfies), knowing that they could POTENTIALLY be exposed? I personally don't think they should be blamed, but I definitely understand the risks myself when I shoot ahem, "personal" pics ... does that mean I deserve to have private photos plastered all over the internet should they be accidentally sent to the wrong person (almost happened..), or somehow obtained by hackers...? Or should what I choose to do with my body and my intimate life be protected from the eyes of everyone else in the world that doesn't have my permission to see them?!! Such a tough concept I know, but I'm leaning more toward the latter. Whether you think these women are being inappropriate by taking *gasp* naked photos or not, does it really mean that they deserve the potential shame and embarrassment from them being shared with the world?

Here comes the judgment... I'll repeat, "Shame and embarrassment..."

Should they not have taken these photos in the first place? I'm sure many men and women (okay maybe mostly women) would say that they would never have these kind of pictures in their phone. Unfortunately sex and nudity are both synonymous with lewd in our culture... It's a fact that saddens me daily. What adult people choose (there's that word again) to do with their bodies and consensually share with another person or persons, shouldn't not only be acceptable, it should be celebrated. Not shamed, not judged, not ridiculed (aka bullying), but rather, our freedom to choose what to do and share should be honored and respected.

Thanks to arguments on both sides of the debate on the threads of JustJared.com and huffingtonpost.com, I have been thoroughly entertained.

Does knowing that our privacy isn't safe make you less inclined to snap that sexy selfie? Or does the fact that yes, you're not the only one doing it, make you feel more empowered to point and shoot? Will this security breach change the way we sext in the future? I'd love to hear your thoughts! :)

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Stella 2 balls-because you SHOULD play with your balls!

Once you've decided that doing your kegels is right for you, you may want to consider some tools to help!

Let me introduce you to my little friend...

The Stella 2 balls are a trio of weighted kegel balls that can be worn individually or with two safely nestled inside the silicone casing. They are all coated with the same anti-bacterial silicone material, giving them the soft, safe, yet "grippy" feeling that you can easily keep these babies in while going about your errands, exercising, or hitting the dance floor! (and yes, these are all things I would recommend doing with your ball in!)

We had our panelist of reviewers test them out, and while most all of us ladies agreed that they were a bit big for our tastes, they were pretty darn stellar.

Simplyperfecttoys.com said, "They were a bit big for me, I felt like I could only squeeze so hard."

PartyGalsbyAmandaHillsdale.com said, "You won't have to worry about being on an episode of "Sex Sent Me to the ER!"

Susan said, "I did actually like the material they were made out of, they seem like they'd stay in better than something made out of metal."

PartyGalPatty.com said, "I use the Stella balls and the Lelo Luna beads, and like that you can change out the different weights."

To purchase any of these products, message me for details, or shop online and enter coupon code: PLAYME for free shipping on your entire order.

Hear the entire show on Episode 2 on my show Play With Me on Playboy Radio.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Married people-single sex! Have sex like you're single again!

It happens... that point in a relationship where watching a TV show, or even sleeping, is suddenly more exciting that the prospect of sex with your partner. It's not that you don't love them anymore, or that you're not sexually attracted to them anymore (well, most of the time). So why is it so much work to muster up the energy to actually start the ball rolling...?

Let's back track for just a second and clarify. I'm referring to relatively happy couples in monogamous relationships, who do still care for one another...

So, what's a guy or gal to do when the desire and passion starts to fade?

Let's first discuss why the passion starts to fade and take it from there...

There are several reasons why people lose the sexual energy they once had with their long-term or lifelong partner. Let's be real... we've tapped that before.. we already know what we're getting... we've already been there, done that...

Reason 1. There's no element of surprise and spontaneity anymore for many couples. In other words, we're bored. Solution: Plan a romantic night out for your lover! Shop for sexy lingerie, or bring home a new sex toy! Create new moments of sexy experiences to keep the fire burning!

Then there's the actual time it takes to have sex. Many parents are already exhausted from work and caring for the kids. That generally leaves evening for any possibility of sex. But they don't have a place to have sex, because their kids are still awake. When the kids are finally asleep, they don't have the energy. (this is assuming, of course, that one or both partners isn't bothered by, and is capable of completing the task, knowing that their kids might hear them)

Reason 2. Lack of time and/or availability of location for sex. Solution: Make date night a priority! Plan time to spend together, if you have the money, get a hotel room, or drop the kids off at the in-laws and make sexual reconnection an important part of your life!

Now let's consider the hormones necessary for the libido to function properly.

Testosterone has been widely recognized as the hormone that creates sex drive; however, we should differentiate between sex drive and sexual desire. One can have sexual desire without much sex drive. This can happen in the case of erectile dysfunction, whereas the man is lacking the ability to create and sustain an erection, but is still interested in sex. Then there's the case of those who might experience a lack of sexual interest, not a lack of sex drive.... this can happen a lot with both sexes.

Reason 3. Lack of sex drive due to decreased testosterone. Solution: Do everything you can to physically and mentally stay interested in sex.

When you're dating it's simple. In a recent study, it was determined that when two people meet and experience mutual attraction, their testosterone levels spike! If only one person felt an attraction, and the other did not; however, there was no elevation in the levels of testosterone. So simply put, when there was a probability of sex, the body responded favorably to make this happen.

Let's face it, lower levels of testosterone can completely kill a sexual relationship, so understanding the physiology of sex certainly can't hurt. As with our overall health, a healthy diet and exercise is crucial in regulating and maintaining our hormone levels. Anti-depressants and birth control are known to decrease desire, but are part of many American couples lives, so make sure you combat these medications by staying healthy. Stress can cause a huge strain on relationships and sexual desire, do whatever you can to keep the stress levels down.

But there are times of the month, as well as in life, when women's testosterone levels increase. (Yay for the guys who are married to them!) Just before ovulation (which would be when she is most fertile) testosterone is prevalent, but as her ovulation cycle comes to an end, estrogen levels drop resulting in less lubrication. (not fun) So guys: If you'd like to increase your chances of getting laid, hit your wife up between the 24th day of her menstrual cycle, and the 14th day of her next month's cycle. Show her that you still think she's a hot piece of ass (i.e.:send those mating hormones into hyperdrive), and don't give her all the same moves. Send her sexy messages throughout the day (be cautious with your chosen words, she may not like porn chatter during kid hours), touch her in ways that are non-sexual, compliment her, look her in the eyes, make her laugh. Change it up, make an effort, make her feel desired, and let the fun begin.

Ladies, if your man is seemingly less interested in sex, consider the changes his body might be experiencing. As men age, they too have a decrease in testosterone. They may be less interested in sex, loose head and body hair, feel tired even though they get enough sleep, have trouble staying focused, loose muscle mass, gain more body fat, all of which can also make daddy feel not so sexy... How can you help?! Boost his ego with sexy text messages, pictures, and mental stimulation throughout his day. Tell him things that you know will drive him crazy. Let him know you're thinking about sex! Men are very visual creatures, paint a picture for him of what lies ahead... and give detailed descriptions.

Then there's the not so easy part to explain, the part that requires more than just a bucket of sex toys, a babysitter, and a bottle of wine. Resentments, infidelity, emotional needs that are not being met...

Reason 4. You have issues.... Solution: see a couples counselor. Your relationship was worth it at some point, even if it doesn't feel like it now... and if it's not worth salvaging, you'll be having single sex soon enough anyway.

Monday, August 18, 2014

Sex Fitness! Why you should, and shouldn't do your Kegels....

For years we've heard that kegels are important for women pre and post-natal, and for better sex... but recently I've been hearing reasons that we shouldn't. What's the deal?

Yes, our pelvic floor is compromised for a myriad of reasons. Most commonly, pregnancy and childbirth; however, even chronic coughing can weaken our pelvic floor. So whether you're young, old, been pregnant, delivered vaginally or by C-section, are male or female, we are all in need of pelvic floor strengthening exercises.

For women: we are at risk as we age, and our pelvic floor muscles weaken, of a collapse.... AVALANCHE!!! Ha ha, no, but seriously (guys, cover your ear and eyes, it's a bit too graphic for your visual minds) your urethra and uterus could literally hang outside of your vagina!! If that's not reason enough to strengthen your pelvic floor, I don't know what is.... and I have heard from Emergency Room Nurse clients of mine that they have in fact seen this. Then there's the problem of peeing while you laugh or sneeze... yeah, not so fun either.

This would be the WHY WE SHOULD do our kegels.

So what's a gal to do, if kegels aren't the answer? The problem doesn't seem to be that kegels are bad for you, but that people work their kegels incorrectly. So let's understand the pelvic floor first and take it from there. The pelvic floor is a system of muscles (not just your pubococcygeus muscle, AKA: PC muscle) that support your internal organs. The PC muscle goes around the opening of the urethra, the vagina, as well as the anus, which for men, is where the prostate is located (and where ejaculate originates from). So it makes sense that we want to strengthen THAT muscle. But how many women really get consistent exercise at the gym, let alone specifically working out their kegels?

Thankfully there are several products available to help women do their kegels without having to remember to do them. Kegel balls, eggs, and exercisers are designed to provide resistance, so that whether you're thinking about it or not, you'll be working the PC muscle. If you don't know whether or not you're squeezing your PC muscle, you can locate it by stopping the stream of urine. (But don't do this as a method of exercise, just to locate the muscle!) You can also insert a finger, or have your partner insert his penis and squeeze, and you'll be able to feel the compression, indicating that you're in the right place! Many of us also solicit the help from our larger muscle groups, ie: the sphincter, taking away the focus on the actual PC muscle itself, so make sure you isolate the muscle while doing reps. You can isolate this more by tilting your pelvis forward, by sitting forward in your chair for example... are we all doing our kegels now?! But what about the other muscles?

According to the Restorative Exercise Institute, the alignment of your pelvis is what is the most important for supporting the pelvic floor.

Katy Bowman, the creator of the program, is a huge advocate of squatting for optimum support of the pelvic floor. In her opinion, doing a bunch of kegels isn't what creates strength in the pelvic floor, but rather the overall support of the muscles responsible for stabilizing the pelvis. In an interview on BreakingMuscle.com she suggests a balanced, aligned pelvis from the natural musculature created in a squat, versus the single action exercise of the kegel, which can pull at the sacrum.


In an interview with Mama Sweat, she states, "..the life-long habit of squatting is what prevented the PF (pelvic floor) from being damaged in the first place. The balance between the perfect amount of glute contraction and the perfect amount of PF tone give you what you want. Good pelvic (and abdominal) organ support." In other words, strong muscles to stabilize and support the pelvic floor is what we're going for.

Whether to kegel or not to kegel, is up to you. I see value in each point of view, and recommend that you discuss any pelvic floor concerns or issues with your health care provide to make sure you're not making any matters worse.

The muscles of your core are also important in keeping the pelvic floor lifted. Your transversus abdominis is the deepest of your core muscles and provides support to stabilize the pelvic floor. Doing situps will not isolate the TA muscle. If you've never tried working it out solo, give this a try! Mutusystem defines how to engage your TA muscles in a way that is easy to understand and thorough!

For men: Your PC muscles can also weaken, creating urinary incontinence, not fun... Conditioning your pelvic floor has also be known to intensify orgasm and increase performance... YAY! You'll work your muscles in the same way as the ladies, but you may also notice a squeeze in the sphincter. For some detailed info on how and why you should work your kegels, check out this video from WebMD! (I've also heard that placing a washcloth, dry, or wet for more resistance, and lifting it with your erect penis, can help strengthen the muscle... If I had a penis, I'd do that just for the fun of it!)

And guys, I also found this baby online, if you'd like to add some resistance to your workout, without requiring an erection. There's a product called the Kegel Pad that might be a fun addition to doing your daily emails! This product was designed to add an extra level of intensity to your squeezing. By sitting on the pad at your perineum, you'll compress it as you squeeze your PC muscle!

Bottom line: there is no substitute for a healthy body when it comes to great sex! Make sure you've got the stamina, strength, and endurance to take on all kinds of positions and experiences. Eat well, exercise, sleep, and indulge occasionally on whatever it is that relaxes you, alleviates stress, and brings you back to your body. Be aware and present with your lover, and the rest will take care of itself.

To purchase any of these products, message me for details, or shop online and enter coupon code: PLAYME for free shipping on your entire order.

Hear the entire show on Sex Fitness, Episode 2 on my show Play With Me on Playboy Radio.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Sensual Vs Sexual Touch... and is touching flirting?

I was appalled when I looked up the definition for sensual. I agree with the definition that it is something that “relates to or affects the senses or sensory organs,” but was shocked to see the second listing on my google search… lacking in moral restraints, lewd, or unchaste? WTF?! I can see where a religious entity or morally rigid person could contort the meaning of the word to apply it to their teachings and/or way of life. But to have the word sen>su>al tossed into a pile of “bad” words in an actual online reference is simply ludicrous. Give synonyms?! Say it “suggests” something that could be brought on by something lacking in moral restraints, but to say the DEFINITION of sensual is lewd??!! C’mon…

The definition of sexual contact accroding to the free dictionary, is as what I expected. Concise, explicit, and straightforward. "The touching of ... any other person's intimate parts, or the intentional touching of the clothing covering the immediate area of the other person's intimate parts"

So how do these two concepts get confused?

The word sensual gets lumped in with sex all too often, when in actuality, both are able to exist without the other. One can have a sensual experience without involving sex, just as one can have sex without it being sensual. Great sex generally involves more than penetration. When lovers can connect with their senses and be aware of their physical, mental, and emotional self during sex, the results can be… well, explosive.

Let’s just talk about one of our senses-TOUCH. It seems these days that many of us are disconnected with our physical self. We are afraid to make contact with ourselves, or each other. We neglect one of the most vital needs we have as human beings, the need to be touched. There have been studies which concluded that babies who didn’t get enough physical contact were more likely to die. There was ample nutrition, shelter, and care, but deprived of human touch, they withered away. Today in nurseries around the world, babies in the NICU are allotted “touch time,” to ensure they are getting their daily dose of affection.

When was the last time you touched your partner outside of the bedroom? Do you even caress and squeeze and hold them IN the bedroom? Perhaps you hold their hand or pat their ass, but do you hold their face? Kiss their shoulder? Caress their back? When was the last time you touched them for the sake of being sensual? Not sexual…not with any intention of having actual sex…but simply because it felt good to touch them?

Do you touch strangers? I do it all the time, I meet people in the AcroYoga community who fly me on their feet, and hold my hands, and touch my shoulders, among other areas... It is a warm, connective way to exercise, gain balance, stretch, get strong, and build friendships.

Does this make me a flirt?

I opened my inbox one day to find an email that boasted “The Art of Flirting,” I was surprised to see the following:

1. Eye contact

2. Smiling

3. Laughing at jokes

4. Using their name in conversation

5. Touching them while talking to them.

Based on these five bullet points, I flirt with everyone I ever come into contact with!! GUILTY! But what shocked me about this list, was that THIS is what is considered flirting in our society? What happened to actual words? Context? The suggestion of romance or sex… don’t these things count? Isn’t the purpose of “flirting” to express sexual availability and interest? Are we so deprived for human connection that engaging in any type of connected interaction is considered a flirtation? I assure you that I am an educated, confident woman, who IF I were sexually available or interested in you, would be quite capable of clearly relaying that message to you. I hope that more people will blur these imposed lines (who created them anyway?!) with me. I choose NOT to live in a world where men need to be seduced into a financial arrangement with women, where women are not property to be possessed. I CHOOSE to live in a world, where men and women can be intimate friends, and then communicate their needs and desires if they crave more.

I am saddened for our future if basic human behaviors aren’t safe from assumption and insinuation. I hope that more people will continue to simply laugh, smile, call me by name, and look me in the eye, while touching me in appropriate ways…

To hear more about AcroYoga and how it encourages safe touch, listen to my AcroYoga partner Tari Mannello and I discuss it on my show Play with Me, on Playboy Radio!

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Wanna Own their Ass this Valentine's Day?!

Okay, so some of these gifts will literally have you owning their ass, but there are also some gifts that will figuratively have them in the palm of your hand too...Here are my picks for sexy fun gifts this Valentine's Day!

Why get stuck doing the same 'ole thing? Skip the "usual" roses and candy, and go for something with a little more pizazz and originality!

If you want to REALLY blow her mind?! Get her a gift that shows her how much her happiness means to you...Let me introduce you to the Duet, a top of the line vibrator that has everything she's ever wanted. Quality, style, function, discretion, and power are all included in this whisper quiet, waterproof vibrator.

She can use it solo, or with you, and will love the custom message you have engraved right onto the handle of her precious metal. Completely waterproof when assembled, the silicone tip has dual motors, and charges with a USB connection so she'll never have to worry about batteries again.

Not sold? Go for a variation of candy and roses...

This Naughty Candy heart butt plug sends your message loud and clear, but with the innocence of our favorite conversation candies! Made of safe, soft silicone, and designed for ease of insertion and comfort.

If she's buying it... I recommend inserting before the clothes come off, so he can discover his sexy surprise when he unwraps you!

If he's buying it... proceed with caution, anal sex can be a touchy subject! If it's a new topic for you, combine this toy with a few other choices of play things so she doesn't feel backed into a corner. A goody bag of lube, another external vibrator, and a couples ring would be an excellent selection of choices so she can decide how she wants to play.

I can't speak for your woman, but I don't want a bouquet of long stem roses on Valentine's Day (or any other day, not my flower). I'd much rather my man spend his hard earned cash on a gift that won't wilt, and be tossed in the trash in a week or two. This gorgeous glass rose is designed to give years of pleasure. It's bulbous tip is perfect for teasing her external parts, and then when she's nice and relaxed, going in for the kill. The solid shaft will hold it's shape while her muscles contract around the varying shapes. Glass is completely non-porous and will not harbor bacteria, making this toy safe for either vaginal or anal play. Make sure it only goes V to A, not A to V without being sanitized first! Glass is also a wonderful product for temperature play. It is cool to the touch and warms to one's body temperature, or can be manipulated by a glass of warm water or cold water by the bed.

If she's buying it... Place it on the table as a centerpiece for your seductive candlelit dinner for two, then ask your Valentine to show you what it's really for.

If he's buying it... tie a bow around it and present it to her when the time is right! Don't "shove" it anywhere, show her it can be a delicate flower, and use it to caress her face while you whisper in her ear all the things you want to do to her.

Nothing says love like cuffs! These cute stretchy cuffs aren't aggressive restraints, but instead are a sexy suggestion that you're willing to do anything for your Valentine. The elastic bands can be worn on wrists or small ankles and the sexy red satin can be tied into a bow.

If she's buying it... after dinner slip into something a little more comfortable, and slide these onto your wrists and present yourself to your Valentine!

If he's buying it...gift wrap these with a sexy bit of lingerie you want to see her wearing. Don't worry about what she likes, get her something that you want to see her in, and tell her how excited you'll be when you get to tear it off of her!

Want more than just a suggestion of submission? The "Forget the Roses" Gift set includes lots of playful options! A Rubber Tickler, Red Bondage kit, 4-Ring Cock Cage, Feathered Nipple Clamps, Adjustable Rope restraint, Elastabind for ankles and wrists, a 3-piece tether kit, Jeweled Flogger, and Red Silky Sashes Bulk. It even comes wrapped up in a gift box and bow!

Whoever is buying this... lay it on top of the bed, or your favorite playroom! You guys are pros, you can figure out the scenario!

Message me for where to buy! http://www.facebook.com/askMiyoko

Friday, January 24, 2014

The Problem with Romantic Love...

I know, I know... bah humbug, happy fucking Valentine's Day, right? But hear me out...

A friend and I were discussing the problem with romantic love the other day, and I felt like I sounded as though I don't believe in love, or like the feeling of being in-love, and let me just clarify now by saying that's just not true. Who doesn't enjoy the rush of adrenaline (and hormones, yes) when you receive an attentive message or phone call from someone who has become the object of your obsession? Who doesn't appreciate how easy it is to fall in-love with someone you barely know? When all your love depends on, is the other person showing up and being remotely interesting, and showering you with attention. But married couples and those in long-term relationships will agree, that those kind of feelings generally don't sustain themselves. And I don't mean to insinuate that couples who have been together for years don't get butterflies when they see each other, and aren't capable of having hot sexy nights of passion reminiscent of the days when they first began dating. What I am saying is that I don't recommend building relationships based on simply "romantic love."

Romantic Love by definition is risky, volatile, dramatic, possessive, conditional, and one-sided. Wikipedia has a pretty great handle on it... check out general definition #2: The addition of drama to relationships of close, deep and strong love.

Let's look at how "romantic relationships" usually start...

They meet online or through a friend.

They like the look of each other.

They start the process of getting to know each other...

which usually turns into kissing...

which many times leads to sex...

which is fun for awhile...

But then suddenly they start to get to know each other for who they really are...

They become less sexually appealing,

or perhaps less sexually aggressive.

One person needs exclusivity at some point,

which is okay at first...

until someone else comes along that is exciting,

and the one who is "excited" doesn't know how to manage their feelings,

and manange the expectations of the other partner.

What they generally assume, is that they have simply fallen out of love.

One partner may start to feel like the feelings aren't equally intense,

but they chalk it up to having come out of the "honeymoon stage."

Neither partner communicates their feelings to the other for fear of hurting the other...

because they "love them," afterall....

And so it goes for a bit, until they do end up hurting each other through non-communication, cheating, or unintentionally withdrawing their "love" and affection from their partner.

I don't need the drama, thanks... I prefer mutual respectful, compassionate, and considerate love.

What would that look like?

They meet online or through a friend.

They like the look of each other.

They begin the process of getting to know each other..

which generally leads to kissing,

but now they start to share their needs and expectations.

If they decide to have sex, how will their intimacy affect their relationship?

Does one or both partners need exclusivity to continue? Or can they have sex casually?

Let's say they have a non-exclusive friendship for awhile, along with casual sex...

and one or both partners begins to develop deeper feelings...

which can happen...

So they talk about what those feelings mean, and how they affect the previous agreement they established.

Does one or both partners want to become "romantically" attached?

Do they want kids?

Do they want to be married? (and yes, the conversation can go in that order)

Or maybe they don't need their love to turn into responsibility for the other....

Do they feel okay to "love" each other without having emotional and physical rights to the other?

Can they be mutually respectful and affectionate without "gaining anything" from the other?

Can they be friends forever, whether or not they continue to have sex?

Both scenarios may start similarly, but they evolve into very different human connections. You often hear the term "falling" in-love in respect to romance. Romantic Love is controlled by just one person. They "court" the other, creating feelings of dependency and infatuation with how the other makes them feel. They make the object of their affection seem like they are the center of their universe. Both partners at times even feel empty and lonely while they are in-love. They are "love-sick," when they are not together, feel "heartaches" when something doesn't feel right. They would "die without the affections of their love." And just as easily as they "fell in-love", they can withdraw their intense feelings, leaving the other feeling empty, desperate and helpless. Which is exactly what they are... they can't control the feelings or actions of the other.

Ugh... not for me thanks...I don't want to ride that emotional roller coaster, or be the center of someone's universe, and be responsible for their happiness. That is not to say that I am unwilling to be mindful, considerate, and even make compromises for someone I love.

In the second example both persons make conscious, self-aware decisions to choose to love the other person. It doesn't thrive on only the intense sense of passion and adoration of one person, and can't be destroyed by just one of them either. They have seen each other for who they are, and most likely have been overwhelmed with love by qualities of that person. Their feelings are rooted to something of substance, something that can be sustained, and grown, and cannot be simply taken away at a moments notice.

This kind of love is truly unconditional. It doesn't depend on whether or not two people are friends, lovers, husband and wife, or rarely see each other. This kind of humanity is something that we are all capable of, and in my opinion, should be what is valued, celebrated, and practiced.