Tinder Tips, Online Flirting, and how to sext your wife!!

The world of online dating and cyber flirtations is one that requires some experience and navigation. My single and divorced friends seem to fair pretty well, but I can't imagine having to actually sift through the plethora of potential mates that are readily available. Not to mention, the rejection, inappropriate and sometimes shocking messages that seem to be a part of the game.... and yes, it is a game.

There is definitely an element of fun and excitement that comes along with setting up a profile on any social media, and dating sites are even more hormone inducing. The fact that the you're even creating a profile on a dating site brings a certain testosterone and adrenaline boost. The thrill of the possibilities and the initial "likes" and "matches" pump chemicals straight from the brain into the bloodstream. Scientists are already testing theories on how these constant dopamine boosts affect our brain and body development, but for the time being, let's just concede that these responses do in fact exist. You know the feeling... your phone dings... your Facebook notifies you that someone likes your post... your Instagram and Twitter accounts boast new followers... dopamine, dopamine, dopamine... reward for a job well done.

Now let's apply this to the online dating scene. You post a profile, you swipe right on a hot girl or guy, and it's a match! Instant wood.... later you get a notification that they like your "moment," or has sent you a "message." GAME ON. What happens from here is entirely in the way you play it.

Guys: If you send a message, try something more than "Hi." Or "Hello." Unless it's a very enthusiastic "Helloooooo...." followed by an excited Emoji. Give us girls some recognition. Comment on something you saw or read on the profile. Make us feel a little special. Whether you want to actually date us or just have sex with us… it’s all the same game. Make conversation. Give us a chance to feel comfortable with you. If we’re DTF, we’ll let you know. The banter will come naturally.

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES start sending immediate messages about your dick, her mouth, or any other sexual part of her body!!!

GET A CLUE... TAKE A HINT... DON'T BE A CREEP...

If she hasn’t asked for a pic of your third leg, don’t send it… no matter how awesome you think you are. We just don’t respond well to uninvited images of your bits and pieces, sorry guys. Women need an emotional component to visual stimuli, we don’t need to be in-love, but we need… something…

That being said, once she’s asked for a naughty pic, make it good one. Bathroom selfies are fine, if you’re laying in bed, please take the socks off, or crop them out of the picture. If you’re hand is on your featured asset, make sure your nails and your joystick are clean.

Girls: It's pretty simple. What is the goal? If it's to find a real relationship, don't come on too strong with the flirtatious vibes. Tinder is generally known as a hook-up site, so be forewarned. But I also do know of people who like the people they meet on Tinder better than any other site or app, and even people who have gotten married. But be clear about your purpose. If you want to date a guy, don’t send seductive messages, or sexy selfies once you go off Tinder and onto texts. Wait until you’ve actually met them in person (and perhaps even had sex with them) before you send suggestive messages. It can be confusing to these poor guys who, let’s face it, may not know exactly what they want.

If you’re looking for a straight hook-up, be direct. Again, guys can be a little clueless, or even scared, so make your messages as plain as possible. That doesn’t mean they don’t like a little banter too, or even to feel like they’ve chase you a little bit… but DO let them know that you’re not playing games. Ask them to take the conversation off of Tinder, ask them for pics, so you know what you’re getting when the clothes come off, and that they actually do look like their profile pics. Be cautious of which racy pics you send, no faces or identifying marks!! If this is a "hit it and quit it" situation, you can’t trust that they won’t be shared.

Here are a few tips for getting your profile liked on these apps and sites:

1. Both sexes: Use your best pics first! The initial swipes are based on looks… shallow, but true. If you’re not the most attractive guy or gal, ask an honest pal which pics make you look the most interesting or appealing. NO Seatbelt car pics... for real. And try to post pics that show a variety of facial expressions to really show your personality.

2. Guys: Don’t post pics of you with a fish! Women just don’t care. If you are into fishing, tell them in person. If you’re trying to send subliminal messages about your ability to provide food for me… uh. please don’t … Ladies: This applies to your pics with your kids. Yes, you're a mom, but unless you're looking for a replacement daddy, nobody cares about your kids yet. Just write it in the profile description.

3. Both sexes: Don’t post multiple pics with a bunch of friends. First of all, they'll have to figure out which one is you, and they might think one of your friends is hot. So if they did date you, and your friend showed up somewhere, it could get complicated. One is fine, multiples is just asking for a left swipe.

4. Both sexes: Make sure we can see your face clearly. If there are too many far away shots… it’s a left swipe.

5. Both sexes: Pics with puppies and or cats... play this one modestly. Guys: we know you're playing with our emotions here, so just know that we're on to you. Girls: Too many cat pics are a red flag... just saying.

So how do the married people get in on the game? Send naughty messages to each other!! Pretend as though you're meeting online for the first time, and start a conversation. Perhaps you're created "stage names" ahead of time, so you know that when your husband or wife refer to you as a certain name, that it's time to play. Give them the dopamine jolt by dinging their phone with flirtatious and sexy messages throughout the day. Ask them to meet you for coffee, or a cheap motel room and play out the fantasy of hooking up for the first time. Not only do you get to flirt with your partner, but the two of you can also play out roles that might be different from your everyday lives. Don't let the stress of work and family life kill your sex-life with your partner. Find ways to create fun games and new sexual experiences for each other to keep them lusting you, even after all these years.

If you need tips on how to take a sexy selfie, read my post here!

To hear to the full show on Tinder Tips, Online flirting, and how to sext your wife, listen to Episode 15 on Play With on Playboy Radio.

The ultimate sexy selfie!! Um, and how to shoot and edit your own porno...

With the technology available to all of us via our smart phones, people all over the world are shooting self portraits and posting pics of themselves in all kinds of various places, positions, and “looks.” It’s not surprising to see women in bikinis taking pics of themselves in the mirror, or guys showing off their abs at the gym. Soccer moms, in clothing you’d never otherwise see them wearing, are putting their sexy side on display for the world to see. I don’t know that it’s true narcissism in action, but rather a fascination with the ability to be able to shoot, edit, post and share photos in ways we never could before. We are actually able to view ourselves like the super models, athletes, and celebrities we used to only see in magazines. Users can play with lighting, camera angles, and photos effects to put their best face forward.

There are even apps available to airbrush, sculpt, and perfect ourselves to show our “best” possible picture. With apps like Pixtr and Hello, Gorgeous your skin will be radiant, your teeth whitened, blemishes and wrinkles vanish. Facetune even allows the user to shrink body parts, tightening abs, firming thighs, and masking any perceived flaws we may have. With Enhance Booth you can create muscle bulk, or make your lips, eyes, and ass bigger with a simple action. SINGLE MEN AND WOMEN BEWARE! The person you met online may not look exactly like the person you eventually meet for coffee or a drink.

If you thought the push up bra and padded ass jeans were false advertising, you’ve got a lot more to worry about in the world of internet dating sites. What is a little more clear; however, is what men and women are willing to share. She may say in her profile that she, ”Likes to take things slow…” or “ Doesn’t kiss on the first date.” Yet she has suggestive pics displayed, and starts sending semi-nude selfies once you begin corresponding via text… Hmmm? Mixed messages? I think there is still an element of self discovery and exploration in this digital age. We are able to connect in ways that we never have before, and it is creating etiquette and challenging boundaries we never even knew we had.

As we display our secret personas and intimate selves, we undoubtedly push the envelope with what we are willing to share. Couples everywhere are engaging in sexting, phone sex, and increased sexual activity via technology. We have learned the language of text banter, and the art of the provocative email, and now we’re able to shoot, edit, and deliver our own home-grown porn.

With the imovie app for iphone, the user can easily import video from their camera roll, zoom in, speed up or slow down the action, and add music. Bum-chicka-bum -bum…. (C’mon. I can’t be the only one who’s thought of this?) Whether you shoot solo masturbation videos, or get your lover to consent to penetration and cum shots, the possibilities are endless! What better way to show your lust and infatuation than with a personalized sexy video of yourself or the both of you celebrating your passion?! There are still some challenges though. imovie for iphone doesn’t allow you to add effects on the video, you’ll have to download a secondary app like VideoFX live,and treat the video before you drop it into your imovie project. You will need to know how to set up a good shot, have decent lighting, and eventually a knack for editing if you want to show it at the next film festival; however.... Just sayin’

Wanna give it a whirl? Grab your smartphone the next time you’re feeling frisky and start shooting. Just play and see what kind of pics you get. Try some video too, you can always simply delete if you want to forget it ever happened.

Just remember, once you send it, it’s gone forever. So make sure you trust the person you’re sexting implicitly. Emails, texts, and shared pics and videos are floating around in cyberspace, no doubt making a lot of hackers and techie people very happy. A good rule of thumb: no face pics, no distinguishable markings, and nothing that could identify you completely--should you ever wish to deny it.