Sensual Vs Sexual Touch... and is touching flirting?

I was appalled when I looked up the definition for sensual. I agree with the definition that it is something that “relates to or affects the senses or sensory organs,” but was shocked to see the second listing on my google search… lacking in moral restraints, lewd, or unchaste? WTF?! I can see where a religious entity or morally rigid person could contort the meaning of the word to apply it to their teachings and/or way of life. But to have the word sen>su>al tossed into a pile of “bad” words in an actual online reference is simply ludicrous. Give synonyms?! Say it “suggests” something that could be brought on by something lacking in moral restraints, but to say the DEFINITION of sensual is lewd??!! C’mon…

The definition of sexual contact accroding to the free dictionary, is as what I expected. Concise, explicit, and straightforward. "The touching of ... any other person's intimate parts, or the intentional touching of the clothing covering the immediate area of the other person's intimate parts"

So how do these two concepts get confused?

The word sensual gets lumped in with sex all too often, when in actuality, both are able to exist without the other. One can have a sensual experience without involving sex, just as one can have sex without it being sensual. Great sex generally involves more than penetration. When lovers can connect with their senses and be aware of their physical, mental, and emotional self during sex, the results can be… well, explosive.

Let’s just talk about one of our senses-TOUCH. It seems these days that many of us are disconnected with our physical self. We are afraid to make contact with ourselves, or each other. We neglect one of the most vital needs we have as human beings, the need to be touched. There have been studies which concluded that babies who didn’t get enough physical contact were more likely to die. There was ample nutrition, shelter, and care, but deprived of human touch, they withered away. Today in nurseries around the world, babies in the NICU are allotted “touch time,” to ensure they are getting their daily dose of affection.

When was the last time you touched your partner outside of the bedroom? Do you even caress and squeeze and hold them IN the bedroom? Perhaps you hold their hand or pat their ass, but do you hold their face? Kiss their shoulder? Caress their back? When was the last time you touched them for the sake of being sensual? Not sexual…not with any intention of having actual sex…but simply because it felt good to touch them?

Do you touch strangers? I do it all the time, I meet people in the AcroYoga community who fly me on their feet, and hold my hands, and touch my shoulders, among other areas... It is a warm, connective way to exercise, gain balance, stretch, get strong, and build friendships.

Does this make me a flirt?

I opened my inbox one day to find an email that boasted “The Art of Flirting,” I was surprised to see the following:

1. Eye contact

2. Smiling

3. Laughing at jokes

4. Using their name in conversation

5. Touching them while talking to them.

Based on these five bullet points, I flirt with everyone I ever come into contact with!! GUILTY! But what shocked me about this list, was that THIS is what is considered flirting in our society? What happened to actual words? Context? The suggestion of romance or sex… don’t these things count? Isn’t the purpose of “flirting” to express sexual availability and interest? Are we so deprived for human connection that engaging in any type of connected interaction is considered a flirtation? I assure you that I am an educated, confident woman, who IF I were sexually available or interested in you, would be quite capable of clearly relaying that message to you. I hope that more people will blur these imposed lines (who created them anyway?!) with me. I choose NOT to live in a world where men need to be seduced into a financial arrangement with women, where women are not property to be possessed. I CHOOSE to live in a world, where men and women can be intimate friends, and then communicate their needs and desires if they crave more.

I am saddened for our future if basic human behaviors aren’t safe from assumption and insinuation. I hope that more people will continue to simply laugh, smile, call me by name, and look me in the eye, while touching me in appropriate ways…

To hear more about AcroYoga and how it encourages safe touch, listen to my AcroYoga partner Tari Mannello and I discuss it on my show Play with Me, on Playboy Radio!

Wanna Own their Ass this Valentine's Day?!

Okay, so some of these gifts will literally have you owning their ass, but there are also some gifts that will figuratively have them in the palm of your hand too...Here are my picks for sexy fun gifts this Valentine's Day!

Why get stuck doing the same 'ole thing? Skip the "usual" roses and candy, and go for something with a little more pizazz and originality!

If you want to REALLY blow her mind?! Get her a gift that shows her how much her happiness means to you...Let me introduce you to the Duet, a top of the line vibrator that has everything she's ever wanted. Quality, style, function, discretion, and power are all included in this whisper quiet, waterproof vibrator.

She can use it solo, or with you, and will love the custom message you have engraved right onto the handle of her precious metal. Completely waterproof when assembled, the silicone tip has dual motors, and charges with a USB connection so she'll never have to worry about batteries again.

Not sold? Go for a variation of candy and roses...

This Naughty Candy heart butt plug sends your message loud and clear, but with the innocence of our favorite conversation candies! Made of safe, soft silicone, and designed for ease of insertion and comfort.

If she's buying it... I recommend inserting before the clothes come off, so he can discover his sexy surprise when he unwraps you!

If he's buying it... proceed with caution, anal sex can be a touchy subject! If it's a new topic for you, combine this toy with a few other choices of play things so she doesn't feel backed into a corner. A goody bag of lube, another external vibrator, and a couples ring would be an excellent selection of choices so she can decide how she wants to play.

I can't speak for your woman, but I don't want a bouquet of long stem roses on Valentine's Day (or any other day, not my flower). I'd much rather my man spend his hard earned cash on a gift that won't wilt, and be tossed in the trash in a week or two. This gorgeous glass rose is designed to give years of pleasure. It's bulbous tip is perfect for teasing her external parts, and then when she's nice and relaxed, going in for the kill. The solid shaft will hold it's shape while her muscles contract around the varying shapes. Glass is completely non-porous and will not harbor bacteria, making this toy safe for either vaginal or anal play. Make sure it only goes V to A, not A to V without being sanitized first! Glass is also a wonderful product for temperature play. It is cool to the touch and warms to one's body temperature, or can be manipulated by a glass of warm water or cold water by the bed.

If she's buying it... Place it on the table as a centerpiece for your seductive candlelit dinner for two, then ask your Valentine to show you what it's really for.

If he's buying it... tie a bow around it and present it to her when the time is right! Don't "shove" it anywhere, show her it can be a delicate flower, and use it to caress her face while you whisper in her ear all the things you want to do to her.

Nothing says love like cuffs! These cute stretchy cuffs aren't aggressive restraints, but instead are a sexy suggestion that you're willing to do anything for your Valentine. The elastic bands can be worn on wrists or small ankles and the sexy red satin can be tied into a bow.

If she's buying it... after dinner slip into something a little more comfortable, and slide these onto your wrists and present yourself to your Valentine!

If he's buying it...gift wrap these with a sexy bit of lingerie you want to see her wearing. Don't worry about what she likes, get her something that you want to see her in, and tell her how excited you'll be when you get to tear it off of her!

Want more than just a suggestion of submission? The "Forget the Roses" Gift set includes lots of playful options! A Rubber Tickler, Red Bondage kit, 4-Ring Cock Cage, Feathered Nipple Clamps, Adjustable Rope restraint, Elastabind for ankles and wrists, a 3-piece tether kit, Jeweled Flogger, and Red Silky Sashes Bulk. It even comes wrapped up in a gift box and bow!

Whoever is buying this... lay it on top of the bed, or your favorite playroom! You guys are pros, you can figure out the scenario!

Message me for where to buy! http://www.facebook.com/askMiyoko

The Problem with Romantic Love...

I know, I know... bah humbug, happy fucking Valentine's Day, right? But hear me out...

A friend and I were discussing the problem with romantic love the other day, and I felt like I sounded as though I don't believe in love, or like the feeling of being in-love, and let me just clarify now by saying that's just not true. Who doesn't enjoy the rush of adrenaline (and hormones, yes) when you receive an attentive message or phone call from someone who has become the object of your obsession? Who doesn't appreciate how easy it is to fall in-love with someone you barely know? When all your love depends on, is the other person showing up and being remotely interesting, and showering you with attention. But married couples and those in long-term relationships will agree, that those kind of feelings generally don't sustain themselves. And I don't mean to insinuate that couples who have been together for years don't get butterflies when they see each other, and aren't capable of having hot sexy nights of passion reminiscent of the days when they first began dating. What I am saying is that I don't recommend building relationships based on simply "romantic love."

Romantic Love by definition is risky, volatile, dramatic, possessive, conditional, and one-sided. Wikipedia has a pretty great handle on it... check out general definition #2: The addition of drama to relationships of close, deep and strong love.

Let's look at how "romantic relationships" usually start...

They meet online or through a friend.

They like the look of each other.

They start the process of getting to know each other...

which usually turns into kissing...

which many times leads to sex...

which is fun for awhile...

But then suddenly they start to get to know each other for who they really are...

They become less sexually appealing,

or perhaps less sexually aggressive.

One person needs exclusivity at some point,

which is okay at first...

until someone else comes along that is exciting,

and the one who is "excited" doesn't know how to manage their feelings,

and manange the expectations of the other partner.

What they generally assume, is that they have simply fallen out of love.

One partner may start to feel like the feelings aren't equally intense,

but they chalk it up to having come out of the "honeymoon stage."

Neither partner communicates their feelings to the other for fear of hurting the other...

because they "love them," afterall....

And so it goes for a bit, until they do end up hurting each other through non-communication, cheating, or unintentionally withdrawing their "love" and affection from their partner.

I don't need the drama, thanks... I prefer mutual respectful, compassionate, and considerate love.

What would that look like?

They meet online or through a friend.

They like the look of each other.

They begin the process of getting to know each other..

which generally leads to kissing,

but now they start to share their needs and expectations.

If they decide to have sex, how will their intimacy affect their relationship?

Does one or both partners need exclusivity to continue? Or can they have sex casually?

Let's say they have a non-exclusive friendship for awhile, along with casual sex...

and one or both partners begins to develop deeper feelings...

which can happen...

So they talk about what those feelings mean, and how they affect the previous agreement they established.

Does one or both partners want to become "romantically" attached?

Do they want kids?

Do they want to be married? (and yes, the conversation can go in that order)

Or maybe they don't need their love to turn into responsibility for the other....

Do they feel okay to "love" each other without having emotional and physical rights to the other?

Can they be mutually respectful and affectionate without "gaining anything" from the other?

Can they be friends forever, whether or not they continue to have sex?

Both scenarios may start similarly, but they evolve into very different human connections. You often hear the term "falling" in-love in respect to romance. Romantic Love is controlled by just one person. They "court" the other, creating feelings of dependency and infatuation with how the other makes them feel. They make the object of their affection seem like they are the center of their universe. Both partners at times even feel empty and lonely while they are in-love. They are "love-sick," when they are not together, feel "heartaches" when something doesn't feel right. They would "die without the affections of their love." And just as easily as they "fell in-love", they can withdraw their intense feelings, leaving the other feeling empty, desperate and helpless. Which is exactly what they are... they can't control the feelings or actions of the other.

Ugh... not for me thanks...I don't want to ride that emotional roller coaster, or be the center of someone's universe, and be responsible for their happiness. That is not to say that I am unwilling to be mindful, considerate, and even make compromises for someone I love.

In the second example both persons make conscious, self-aware decisions to choose to love the other person. It doesn't thrive on only the intense sense of passion and adoration of one person, and can't be destroyed by just one of them either. They have seen each other for who they are, and most likely have been overwhelmed with love by qualities of that person. Their feelings are rooted to something of substance, something that can be sustained, and grown, and cannot be simply taken away at a moments notice.

This kind of love is truly unconditional. It doesn't depend on whether or not two people are friends, lovers, husband and wife, or rarely see each other. This kind of humanity is something that we are all capable of, and in my opinion, should be what is valued, celebrated, and practiced.

The ultimate sexy selfie!! Um, and how to shoot and edit your own porno...

With the technology available to all of us via our smart phones, people all over the world are shooting self portraits and posting pics of themselves in all kinds of various places, positions, and “looks.” It’s not surprising to see women in bikinis taking pics of themselves in the mirror, or guys showing off their abs at the gym. Soccer moms, in clothing you’d never otherwise see them wearing, are putting their sexy side on display for the world to see. I don’t know that it’s true narcissism in action, but rather a fascination with the ability to be able to shoot, edit, post and share photos in ways we never could before. We are actually able to view ourselves like the super models, athletes, and celebrities we used to only see in magazines. Users can play with lighting, camera angles, and photos effects to put their best face forward.

There are even apps available to airbrush, sculpt, and perfect ourselves to show our “best” possible picture. With apps like Pixtr and Hello, Gorgeous your skin will be radiant, your teeth whitened, blemishes and wrinkles vanish. Facetune even allows the user to shrink body parts, tightening abs, firming thighs, and masking any perceived flaws we may have. With Enhance Booth you can create muscle bulk, or make your lips, eyes, and ass bigger with a simple action. SINGLE MEN AND WOMEN BEWARE! The person you met online may not look exactly like the person you eventually meet for coffee or a drink.

If you thought the push up bra and padded ass jeans were false advertising, you’ve got a lot more to worry about in the world of internet dating sites. What is a little more clear; however, is what men and women are willing to share. She may say in her profile that she, ”Likes to take things slow…” or “ Doesn’t kiss on the first date.” Yet she has suggestive pics displayed, and starts sending semi-nude selfies once you begin corresponding via text… Hmmm? Mixed messages? I think there is still an element of self discovery and exploration in this digital age. We are able to connect in ways that we never have before, and it is creating etiquette and challenging boundaries we never even knew we had.

As we display our secret personas and intimate selves, we undoubtedly push the envelope with what we are willing to share. Couples everywhere are engaging in sexting, phone sex, and increased sexual activity via technology. We have learned the language of text banter, and the art of the provocative email, and now we’re able to shoot, edit, and deliver our own home-grown porn.

With the imovie app for iphone, the user can easily import video from their camera roll, zoom in, speed up or slow down the action, and add music. Bum-chicka-bum -bum…. (C’mon. I can’t be the only one who’s thought of this?) Whether you shoot solo masturbation videos, or get your lover to consent to penetration and cum shots, the possibilities are endless! What better way to show your lust and infatuation than with a personalized sexy video of yourself or the both of you celebrating your passion?! There are still some challenges though. imovie for iphone doesn’t allow you to add effects on the video, you’ll have to download a secondary app like VideoFX live,and treat the video before you drop it into your imovie project. You will need to know how to set up a good shot, have decent lighting, and eventually a knack for editing if you want to show it at the next film festival; however.... Just sayin’

Wanna give it a whirl? Grab your smartphone the next time you’re feeling frisky and start shooting. Just play and see what kind of pics you get. Try some video too, you can always simply delete if you want to forget it ever happened.

Just remember, once you send it, it’s gone forever. So make sure you trust the person you’re sexting implicitly. Emails, texts, and shared pics and videos are floating around in cyberspace, no doubt making a lot of hackers and techie people very happy. A good rule of thumb: no face pics, no distinguishable markings, and nothing that could identify you completely--should you ever wish to deny it.

What if you really wanted to use a condom?

I have yet to meet someone who actually enjoys the sensation of sex with a condom. Women and men alike complain about the lack of perceived intimacy, the chaffing, rubbing, and lack of skin on skin pleasure they would have if they rode bareback. But we're more educated and hopefully more concerned with our bodies and our partners' health and choose to be safe and bag it. Wouldn't it be nice if there were a better design? One that actually felt good, maybe even made safe sex feel too good to be true...?

Origami condoms is working on just that. They have designed a better condom. A condom that still provides the stimulation we crave, without sacrificing the barrier against STD's and unwanted pregnancy. They've not only designed a new condom for men to wear, but a female condom, and an anal condom. Condoms should be like sex toys! They should provide a different feature with the wearer, and type of sex in mind. There's billions of dollars going into developing new toys to provide bigger better orgasms, but has yet to be another option for safe sex to feel good in decades... Lucky for us, these condoms are in clinical trials and on the way to gaining approval from the FDA.

Check out some of the videos for the new condom designs and let me know what you think. Just watching the male condom demo sold me! And I don't even have a penis.

Male Condom...

Female Condom...

If you don't know Jack, it's time you met...

Multi-function vibrators have been all the rage since the Original Rabbit Habit hit the scene on TV shows like Sex and the City, was featured in Hollywood Movies like Burn After Reading, and was hailed as the best sex toy of all time in Oprah's Magazine. So what makes these vibrators worthy of celebrity status? Intense orgasms and multiple orgasms in record time....

How is this possible?! Well, it all started with a vibrating rabbit stimulator to tease the clitoris while a jumbling ring of pearls massages the vagina. Since then there have been several different models and styles to make women all over the world groan with ecstasy. Vibes that thrust, stimulate the G-spot, and even tickle the anus...

How's a girl to decide which one to take for a test drive? Here are a few of the vibes I recommend from Taboo Essentials. If you have questions about another manufacturer or need some questions answered, feel free to message me here or on Facebook.

Prehistoric Sex-way more exciting than it sounds.... a review of Sex at Dawn-The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Day Sexuality

Sex at Dawn, The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Day Sexuality had my head spinning for days. I am generally interested in any and all information regarding sex, but this book was more addicting that the Twilight Series and Fifty Shades of Grey combined.

The book questions the "monogamous" nature of human beings, and presents factual data that supports evidence to the contrary. I put "monogamous" into quotations because once you read the book, you realize that we have to start defining the word to a specificity in which we generally don't in American conversations. Monogamy can mean so many things to so many people.

As Christopher Ryan points out, MANY people believe that Penquins are the "perfect" examples of monogamy in the animal kingdom. What those same people probably don't realize is that the penguins' monogamous arrangement only lasts about 11 months, enough time for gestation and to help their young out of the "nest." They are then likely to go out and mate with another partner, and create more offspring. While I know some people who act like penguins, this doesn't seem the "perfect" example our current model of 'til death do us part' is referring to. There is one primate who does practice lifelong monogamy.

The Gibbon... who never leaves the "house", doesn't get to hang out with friends, has very little sex, and oh, not much intelligence... perhaps "monogamy" isn't something to strive for?

Ryan and co-author Cacilda Jetha, both contribute to the book. Although their words are not presented separately, you can see the definitive difference in writing styles. I enjoyed this quality, as it feels like you are listening to their casual conversation.

They do heavily focus on the argument that monogamy is not within our true nature, so if you're against this idea for religious or societal reasons, you may not make it through the first few chapters. If you are hell bent on the idea that we should hold ourselves to an ideal that is nearly impossible according to our biological evolution and are not open minded enough to hear the supporting evidence, then keep the book and your mind closed. I don't say this as a judgement of your choice, I do believe there is value in marriage and monogamy. Consider this more of a precaution. This is serious stuff! It may leave you feeling betrayed by the world, your chosen leaders, and the people around you. Proceed with caution. It is also nice to read that we are not a selfish, aggressive, or murderous people that past studies of human nature like us to believe. So before you pass up the opportunity to give it a go, know that you will read more than just facts about sex, you will be exposed to other studies about different aspects of human nature that might delight you.

I was shocked at the data that disproves many of the theories on which we have based our understanding of ourselves and our relationships. I devoured every page, reading random passages back to my husband (yes, I was questioning monogamy to the one person in this world who might actually be offended). Poor guy had to decipher the thoughts I was spewing his way, and even still, was intrigued and inspired to the read the book for himself. I found the information to be liberating, thought provoking, and fascinating. As a sexual woman in modern day society who feels that I have a deep understanding of my needs and desires, I was turned inside-out by this read.

I have always believed that marriage as an institution has been unsuccessful, and that it should be revised in ways that work for the people we have become. Sex is at the root of the cause much of the time. I am often asked for advice from women who are unhappy in their marriages. They feel the need to to cheat, leave, or divorce their spouse, and it always perplexes me to witness their desperate decision between affair or divorce. Why are these their only two options? Why aren't we able to have respectful, honest, and loving conversations with the person we once loved enough to MARRY, in which we ask for what we desire? Women who want their husbands to seduce them, but are so afraid to have this talk. They would rather have their indiscretions make decisions for them. We are so fearful of hurting our partner's feelings that we'd rather have them feel lonely and miserable, or worse, find out about our cheating and let divorce be the consequence. As if this is easier? Better?

If the topic of sexuality is of interest to you, grab this book at your earliest convenience. And if you value your marriage, read it together. Discuss the definition of monogamy within your relationship. Determine what is acceptable, and where the boundaries lie. Ask your partner what they desire. You are the only two people who decide what is right and what works for you.

I only have two regrets about the book.

1. That I didn't buy a copy to own, as I feel I will want to go back and reference the book for details.

2. That the book doesn't really discuss homosexuality. There are instances where homosexuality is included in the data, but there's no real discussion about where it fits within prehistoric life.