A History of Striptease and Pole Dancing, and How to Pull off a Sexy Striptease for your Lover!

It's been a long road from the early traveling carnival and circus show Burlesque to modern day pole fitness, but one thing remains... the allure of the female form as she moves with grace and exudes sensuality.

Men have been entertained by this type of dance for hundreds of years. Even though the term "stripping" wasn't recorded until 1932, the reasons for the terminology could be directly attributed to Gypsy Rose Lee, the American Burlesque performer of the early 20th century, the French performer Josephine Baker in the 1920's and 30's, and Mata Hari's act at the Moulin Rouge back in 1905. But even those "early pioneers" who popularized the form of entertainment weren't the grandmothers of striptease. Accounts of striptease in other cultures describe ancient civilizations using music and the removal of clothing for the purpose of celebration and entertainment. In Northern Africa and Egypt a performer called Kucheck Hanem disrobed in a performance called the "Erotic Dance of the Bee" where she gets naked while looking for the bee trapped within her clothes. In ancient Rome during the tradition of Floralia, people danced naked for a 6-day long celebration of spring. And there is even a biblical reference in the New Testament where Salome performs the dance of the seven veils (later "coined" by Oscar Wilde in his play) for King Herod, who some believe is actually an interpretation of an ancient Sumerian Myth of the descent of the goddess Inanna, who had to remove an article of clothing at each of the seven gates of hell.

So obviously this is nothing new, but in our more current word association, we think of strip clubs and pole dancers. Pole dancing has been popularized for the past hundred years, back when the pole holding up the tent was used for circus shows. Those pole eventually were moved from tents to bars, and then combined with Burlesque. The earliest recorded pole dance was a performance by Belle Jangles at Mugwump Strip Club in Oregon in 1968. And I would venture to guess that venues like the Playboy Club, as well as the birth of men's magazines which made the female form more visually accessible had a hand in making strip bars and topless clubs a viable business. Several decades later we continue to generally associate modern striptease and pole dancing with topless and nude bars, but we now also see the gravity defying images of scantily clad female pole athletes who exude sex appeal with their strength and physical ability. We know that men enjoy the visual delight of a woman deliberately removing her clothes. But do you have to be a competition level acrobatic pole athlete to pull off a sexy striptease? Absolutely not!

In fact, you don't need a pole at all!!

There are really only a few things you need to know before you decide to "bust-a-move..."

1. Don't take yourself too seriously. Your partner obviously thinks you're sexy. There's something, and quite possibly a lot of things, that they love about you, your naked body, and how your bodies come together. Use your knowledge of your lover to create the perfect dance. Highlight their favorite areas. Maybe they love your breasts, your legs, your butt, your feet?! Tease them with those places on your body.

2. Don't wear something that is difficult to take off. Pants may "go on one leg at a time," but they can be a disaster to take off while you're trying to be sexy and dance... dresses and skirts are best so you can play with them bu pulling them up, or sliding them off.

3. Don't be drunk. Yeah, you might need some liquid courage to help fight those feelings of shyness or insecurity. But you might not filter those high school dance moves that haven't come out since 1990... A sloppy stripper scenario could be fun for some role playing, but if you really want to surprise them with a sexy striptease, let them really see you, awkward moves and all. They will love knowing that even though you're not a professional, you're taking them time to do this for them.

4. Do take the time to prepare. Pick a song that you like to move to. Even though they won't remember what song was playing, you'll be having fun and them watching you have fun is part of what makes it sexy! Set the mood! Dim the lights, or put red bulbs in your lamps to create the desired effect. Shower, primp and prep your body for what comes after the dance.

5. Do learn some moves. Let's face it, if striptease were easy, we'd all be doing it. There are signature moves that give you the look of the pro's. There are ways to move your body that accentuate your best assets. And conversely there are things we do with our bodies that simply, just don't work.... Learn from a professional. Take a class. Even an hour of instruction will give you tons of tips that you have in your pocket and ready to go at the drop of a hat! Invest in yourself.

Striptease boosts your self-esteem, gets you in touch with your body, and all that juicy energy translates into your romantic life. It's a win win for everyone ;)

The incredibly talented and sexy owner of @polarityfitness joined me on #playwithme on @playboy_radio check the link for #poledance basics and how to pull off a sexy #striptease

A video posted by Miyoko (@askmiyoko) on Apr 23, 2015 at 9:15am PDT

To hear my interview with Celeste Ayers, owner of Polarity Fitness, listen to Ep. 30 on Play With Me on Playboy Radio!

Is Porn good for you?

Apparently, I am potentially addicted to porn. Mind you, I don't think I've actually watched a real porn movie in over 5 years...if not more... But by answering a few simple questions in a quiz on Mensfitness.com, I was labeled as, “bordering on being problematic.”

The mere fact that my healthy sex drive would cause me to answer yes to any of these questions shouldn't be a basis for determining whether or not I have a porn addiction. What it does say about our society in general, is that the overall consensus is, PORN IS BAD.

There is so much negative energy surrounding the word "Porn." People are incredibly offended by it, and many people won't admit to actually watching porn, when clearly the statistical data proves that we all do. Yep, men and women... both watch porn.

According to an article by The Huffington Post, 70% of men watch porn (some other sites rate that percentage much higher) along with 30% of women. In fact, 30% of data that is transferred across the internet is PORN. An article from mandatory.com cites that “people are viewing porn, more than Facebook, Twitter, and Hulu combined…” and we know how much y’all like Facebook. Their claims are pretty staggering… “At any second of the day worldwide, nearly 30 million unique visitors are viewing porn.” And yet we still deny we watch it… hmmm. “In 2001, there were around 70,000 adult websites. Today, just 13 years later, they are more than 4.2 million pornographic websites in the U.S. alone. It does not take a math major to figure out that increase is tremendous. Either people are lying about watching porn or people are lying about watching porn.”

So, why are we so afraid to admit that we watch and even “like” porn? We know that visual stimulation produces fantastic results. We know that men are more visually stimulated sexually. Many men say that they use porn as a way to kick-start the session, but usually finish thinking about a personal experience. Sex therapists have recommended porn with a vibrator as a great way to ensure she climaxes, as most women don’t achieve orgasm through straight up intercourse.

I posed the question on my social media, and interviewed people while attending Adultcon at the Los Angeles Convention Center. Here are a few sound bites from people who were more than happy to speak on the subject….

While people at the porn convention were open and communicative, my social media accounts proved how much of a negative stigma is still attached to the word. Women commented in response to my question: “What do you think of when you view porn?” But most men stayed far away from the topic. Men who would normally “like” or comment wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot pole. They did however feel comfortable private messaging me or texting me their thoughts, but didn’t want to have their personal social media accounts show the “activity” that would confirm that they actually watch porn. One man messaged me by saying, “my wife would be horrified if I posted this, but I watch porn and think, ‘I want to do that with my wife.’” This sentiment is beautiful and heart-breaking. This man who, adores his wife, is inspired to find ways to give her pleasure and bring them together as a couple, is shamed by her lack of interest and most likely a negative outlook on sex with her own husband, as well as porn.

**Is porn bad? If this man didn’t have porn, where would he release the sexual energy that his wife won’t share with him? Have an affair perhaps…

If you made it all the way through the soundbites I posted above, you would’ve heard one woman’s opinion that watching porn is considered adultery to her and her husband. They feel that seeing images of other people creates feelings of lust and visual imagery that might be hard to suppress during their love-making. They want to be as “pure of heart” as they possibly can for each other. While she didn’t express an opposition to the existence of porn, she was strongly against porn in their relationship. Religion was the reason cited for their mutual decision to avoid porn, and I respect her choice to maintain her commitment to her faith and her relationship.

If religion is your reason for not supporting porn, this blog might not rub you the right way…. pun intended. How you should feel about porn, gay marriage, anal sex, BDSM lifestyles, and any other “un-natural” sex acts, may have already been decided. While I am lucky to have several religious friends who view sex as a healthy, adventurous, loving way to celebrate their relationships in all kinds of playful ways, I know there are more religious readers who are less open-minded about the topic. To those readers, I hope you continue reading….

It seems like porn is unavoidable these days. You can easily search a term that accidentally gives you pages of porn related materials and websites with an innocent and random word. But is all this access to porn, and the actual content itself good for us?

According to Dr. Judith Reisman, PII or Pornographically Induced Impotence is a growing epidemic. She shares opinions of several doctors and professors who attest that porn can be extremely damaging to libido and emasculating, “castrating men of all ages and races.” They also admit that the percentage of men who suffer from PII is unknown…. She is also, if you didn’t know, one of the prominent anti-Kinsey Institute protestors, who feels that his work has sexually sabotaged our society. I wasn’t able to find links from her article to scientific data supporting these opinions, but they are compelling nonetheless. If you fear that porn might cause you to become impotent, you may also want to worry that masturbation will cause you to go blind. Generally, limiting your exposure to these images will restore your body’s natural response to erotic stimulus. These “cases” of PII ares extreme examples of over-exposure to porn and porn addiction. Most of you, dear readers, will not fall into this category.

Next let’s discuss dopamine… the pleasure reward we receive in the brain. Porn doesn’t just give you warm fuzzy feelings in the genitals. It gives us a dopamine rush, which is why some people can become addicted to porn. Just as we can become addicted to our social media, porn provides endless hours of distractions and new visual experiences to keep the dopamine flowing. Some therapists recommend taking a break from your porn (and/or your social media) occasionally to reset the baseline for your dopamine tolerance. There are several studies being done on the long term effects of these constant dopamine dings. So far I haven’t seen any conclusive studies on long term effects, but the social media and smart phone age is still relatively new. it could take decades for us to actually see any type of biological evolution in correlation to the increase in dopamine for the average human.

Is porn bad for relationships? Couples who watch porn together say they experience a boost in their sex life. They like to “spice up” their intimate relations by adding visual stimulation, or use porn as an instructional video to try new things. Some woman express fears that their partners will be less attracted to them because they are masturbating to images of other women’s bodies. But they might be surprised to hear that men are more inclined to watch the female actresses facial expressions rather than her actual body. They are more turned on by the idea that this woman is enjoying her sexual encounter. It could be argued that social media is bad for relationships. In some of the same surveys that claim that “watching internet porn” ruined 58% of marriages, it also cites that 40% blame extra-marital relationships that began online. Does the internet or porn itself break up the marriage? Or do feelings of unhappiness, dissatisfaction, and lack of intimacy create the need for people to meet those needs in other places? Is McDonald’s responsible for making people fat? Or do we all have the capacity to make our own decisions about what we do with our bodies, and take responsibility for how our actions may affect our relationships? Yes, addiction is real… addiction to porn, alcohol, drugs, and a plethora of other things can negatively impact one’s life. They may withdraw from society, prioritize their addiction over family, work, and life itself. ADDICTION is bad, porn….?

There are surveys being done on how viewing porn effects our expectations about sexual partners, and whether or not it discourages interest and commitment to romantic relationships. Again, I haven’t found any links to actual scientific data. What they generally say is that people who watch porn are more likely to have intercourse at an earlier age, have multiple sex partners, be open to the idea of casual sex, have less interest in romantic partnering, and may experience dissatisfaction in long term monogamous relationships. In all my recreational research on sex, and how people have sex, I would say that all of those things apply to a person who isn’t overly exposed to pornography as well. People want sex, they want to feel desired, they want to be naked and copulate with other sexually attractive mates, they want love, they crave affection and attention, and they even want to get married and have kids. I assure you, the business of marriage is in full force. USA Today predicts that there will be 2.208 million weddings in 2015.

So then, is watching other people have sex bad for you? I believe that it's healthy. In other cultures listening to someone have sex, or possibly even seeing others have sex is a natural part of everyday life. Families live in small dwellings. Parents share rooms and sometimes even beds with their offspring. People live in small villages and communities where the hiding of their sex acts isn’t necessary or even plausible to be hidden. Does this make them sexual deviants? I think having a healthy attitude toward sex and sexuality is of tremendous importance. Whether you choose or even promote celibacy, we shouldn't be opposed to the idea of sexual awareness, open communication about sex, and overall sex positivity.

Embracing sex, in all forms, is the best form of sex education. Porn shows people having sex. It doesn’t show people necessarily being intimate, but it also doesn’t hide or romanticize the reality of the act of sex. It doesn’t make excuses for itself, it doesn’t limit the way people orgasm, it represents all types of sexual activity, and all types of sexual stimulus. Porn brings people together by validating desires. Desires that could be considered deviant, or abnormal. By allowing people to experience those desires in a way that is not harming other people, purely experienced by choice (one must click to view, and can opt-out by a simple click at any time), and produced legally with consensual adults (we are not talking about illegal porn in this post), there is fulfillment. Porn can also inspire creativity and teach people how to make love better. Couples can watch porn together and ask each other to do things they see portrayed in the videos. They may even be exposed to things they don't realize they like. Everything from the way a porn actor is kissed, touched, licked, and yes, fucked, can be a new experience for the viewer to discover pleasure within their own relationships. The point and the benefit is that they are communicating their sexual needs and desires.

Is porn good for you? You'll have to decide that on your own or together, but I say that if you aren't bordering addiction and withdrawing from society, a spoonful of porn a day might just keep the divorce away.

To listen to the full episode, "Is PORN good for you?" On Playboy Radio, click here http://bit.ly/PlayWithMeShow

50 Shades Movie Review: from a married, sexually adventurous, mom of a teenage daughter.

There has been a lot of controversy online about the Fifty Shades of Grey movie. People who feel passionately that it is setting a bad example for our young girls about what a relationship should look like, and what normal sex should be.

I went into the theatre with an open mind to watch the scenes and listen to the dialogue between Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele to see if I felt that it was the abusive, controlling, torturous, sexist relationship that was being described in social media debates.

I will preface my review of the film by saying, I am a woman who enjoys sex and all aspects of sex play. While I’ve dabbled in the world of BDSM, I have not experienced a DOM-SUB relationship personally. I have never been sexually abused. I have read all the books. I have now seen the film. I am a mother to a teenage daughter. The opinions to come, if at all biased, are reflective of who I am. Take them as you will.

Here’s what I never saw:

1. Christian Grey abusing, torturing, or otherwise harming Anastasia Steele.

2. Anything other than consensual sex and intimacy between two adults.

3. A controlling relationship. While Christian Grey “requests” total control in their relationship, Ana never actually gives it.

What I did see:

1. Highly erotic scenes of fantasy play (ie: restraints, light whippings and floggings) and lots of nudity.

2. A woman being pleasured sexually by a man who adored her.

3. A relationship in conflict. Two people trying to negotiate the balancing act of their needs and boundaries.

For those who are saying that it portrays women in a submissive and anti-feminist light:

While Ana’s character is asked to be his “submissive,” She maintains her life outside of the designated play hours. She is asked to “agree” to make herself available to him in whatever way he sexually desires in exchange for her pleasure, and the ability to be in a relationship with him. She is never asked to cook, clean, or otherwise play a traditionally female role in his life. As part of the contract she is required to be exclusive to him sexually, and to be on the pill. She is not expected to give up her free will, but rather, to know that there will be consequences to her actions should she decide to "break the rules."

In a “normal” relationship, women are generally expected to cook and clean, raise children, and work, oh, and have sex exclusively with him, for his pleasure.

For those who say that she is abused, tortured, isolated and humiliated:

Let’s take these one at a time…

From Wikipedia, the definition of abuse

Ana is “spanked” for punishment after Christian warns her “If you roll your eyes at me again, I will take you over my knee.” She of course, rolls her eyes later in the scene, and he lays her over his lap, pulls up her dress and asks her if she understands why he is doing this. After his initial spank, he asks her if she likes it, and then again, if she would like more. Doesn’t sound like “abuse” to me.

Ana is later brought into the Red Room (aka, his play room), where he introduces her to the experience of being teased and whipped with a riding crop while being restrained and blindfolded. Again, he asks her “Does it hurt.” He straps her spread eagle to his four poster bed with ropes and blindfolds her, then continues with some sensory play with feathers and a flogger. At no point in the film does it depict her in any pain until she asks him. “Show me” what the worst punishment would be.

This is the only scene people will or could have an issue with in my opinion. She is whipped on the ass with a leather belt 6 times. He explains exactly what will happen. He tells her she will count the whippings with him. She is NOT restrained or blindfolded. She is shown to appear to be in pain and is crying. However, where the tears are actually being derived from, is left to the viewer.

In the scene leading up to this “punishment,” she is arguing with him. Why he is like this? Why does he have a need to dole out punishments for her at all? And then of course, how severe would the worst punishment be? It is implied that he is an emotionally broken man, that he was abused as a child, and so needs to be abusive in a controlled environment to appease his demons. Her tears could be from the pain of the actual belt lashings, or they could be from her sadness that this man whom she is falling in love with was abused as a child. She could be crying because she is scared of what loving a man like him leaves her vulnerable to. Or she should could be crying because she herself feels unloved by her mother who fails to show up for her college graduation.

Tortured: Um, let’s see… she was given intense pleasure repeatedly… I’ll take some of that torture.

Isolated: Christina Grey introduces her to his family, meets Ana’s mother, is publicly photographed with her, spends time at her apartment as well as his, and refers to her as his girlfriend when the need to introduce her arises. Doesn’t sound very isolated to me.

Humiliated: He holds her hair back while she pukes, never once scolding her for making her own choices, but simply acknowledges that it wasn’t smart. He buys her new clothes to wear because she has vomited all over hers. Buys her a new computer because hers is broken. Takes her for a ride in his helicopter, and an adrenaline fueled ride in a glider. Makes sure she is well nourished. Tells her to never be ashamed of her body, that she has a beautiful body. Bathes her. Spends the night in bed sleeping with her, even though he said he doesn’t “do that.”

I could not find a single instance in the film where Ana is ever made to feel humiliated. It could be argued that she is scolded for not letting him know that she was traveling to see her mother out-of-state, and that he didn’t want her drinking her third Cosmo while she was out with her mom. But at that point in the film, they had already made agreements, expectations were in place, and again, “humiliated?” Embarrassed, perhaps.

For those who ask, “What are we teaching our daughters?”

I will say this. Movies suck as examples of what actual loving relationships look like. Our daughters are exposed to many lofty ideals of what passion, love, romance, and long-term relationships can be. Hollywood generally shows the fantasy fairy-tale as something to strive for… which can lead to serious disappointment. It was refreshing to see a man who knew himself, communicated his needs with authentic clarity, and gave her the ability to opt out. He never offered romance, but he was willing to give her everything else if she agreed. He would fuck her hard, respect, nuture, and care for her. Not a bad proposition if you ask me. I would be thrilled if my daughter encountered a gentleman like this man when she is an adult. A man who was intelligent, present, compassionate, attentive, respectful, and oh yes, wanted nothing more than to spend hours playing with her body and giving her pleasure.

For those who say that this contract was controlling and sexist…

What is Marriage? A legal and binding contract between two people “til death do they part.” And what details are discussed and outlined in this contract? Not much. I would much rather negotiate the terms of my relationship, my sexual pleasure, my physical and emotional health and well-being, than leave it chance based on whimsical lifelong decisions due to “feelings” of love and passion. You can call it cynical, or un-romantic, but you can’t deny the power of honest and open communication.

I’m sure people of the BDSM community will have a field day with this film. It’s very vanilla. It’s ONE fictional account of a POSSIBLE relationship between a Dominant and a Submissive. It barely grazes the surface of what types of sensations could be experienced between two consensual adults with creative minds and willing bodies. I do feel like it may introduce people who may have never considered fantasy play to a few fun scenarios in the bedroom. I hope it will create conversations between couples who want to spice things up, and that men and women will explore what they actually need and desire in their relationships.

Footnotes:

What I loved... the actors had real, beautiful bodies, and seemed to play together well on screen. I loved that they both had full bush, which was shown briefly and equally for both actors.

What I hated... that again a girl is conflicted by the potential of "love," that she is incapable of having sex without love. And that Christian Grey has to be a billionaire, perpetuating the ideal that men are there to provide. Oh and... there wasn't enough sex.

But then again, it is just a movie...

Miyoko's Last Minute Holiday Gift Guide!- Start the new year off with a BANG!

Gift giving can be precarious… what do you get to the person you lay down next to every night, and wake up to every morning. What gift says, “I love you.” But also, “I WANT YOU!!!” What gift would she actually appreciate and want to use with you.

Definitely don't expect to send that message with something practical like a toaster, or a scarf. Women can be a challenge to buy for, but ultimately, we want more intimacy. We crave connection, want to feel desired, and to experience mind-blowing sex. So what can you give to the object of your affection that won't make her feel objectified?And what can you do for her this holiday that won't empty out your wallet?!

First, my top pics...

1. Liberator bedroom shapes-I love the functionality of these positionary aids. The positions and possibilities are endless, but the support of the foam pillow allows you to hit the right spots, while sustaining the angle until she gets her beloved "O." Oral sex, missionary, doggie style... all made better by one simple shape.

2. Vesper by Crave-this whisper quiet, exquisite piece of art won't break the bank, but will show your goddess how much you love her sexy side. Rechargeable via USB cable, this fine piece of "O" inducing ass provides clitoral stimulation or sensual vibrating insertion anytime throughout the day. Give her the gift of pleasure at her fingertips, and trust me, she'll return the favor.

3. Bubble Love-This truly and completely submergeable toy provides a bubble blast to your clitoris. For the women who like water play, this device can be used in the tub, and provides an added bonus to your relaxing bath. Forget Calgon..Bubble Love take me away. Dildo attachment is also available for those who like a little

4. Embrace Body wand by Cal Exotics-This rechargeable cordless vibrating handheld massager is powerful enough to work out the kinks in your neck, but also for ensuring an orgasm every time!! Handheld plug-in massagers are discreet enough to leave out on the bedside table, and powerful enough to potentially bring him to hand free climax.... um, yeah... highly recommended.

5. Intro to S&M Kit by Sex & Mischief-a great way to introduce light bondage into your bedroom play! Fur-lined handoffs make restraining sexy, while the blindfold allows for sensory deprivation experience, and the black leather whip provides a light tickle as it dances over your lover's flesh, or a sting as it whips their body in various places. You decide the level of play, and of course, always have a safe word.

Next, the amazing products I had the pleasure to review for this Holiday Season...

1. Ovo Lifestyle Toys-a brand I was familiar with, but had no tactile knowledge of. This gorgeous collection of USB charged and battery operated products are made of 100% body safe materials. High grade medical silicone cover most of these sleek and sensual toys. Just touching the toys themselves inspired my vagina. They have a very sexy design that spark sexual energy, and can be used to stimulate multiple areas of the body. If she's really into oral sex, gift her the S1... and watch her orgasm from powerful flickering tongue-like sensations. Wanna play together? Grab an A1 and experience the luxury together.

2. Cal Exotics Entice vibes and light bondage accessories-these ultra sexy products beg to be played with...toys and tools to bring your Fifty Shades inspired fantasy to reality. The silky brocade bar gag is enough to get the point across without making breathing difficult, and making them look oh so seductively restrained. Feathered nipplets are adjustable to accommodate different sized nipples, and can be used as decorative jewelry or to create an actual pinch.

3. Screaming O-inexpensive but quality toys that make sex fun and pleasurable! I love this brand!! All of their couples rings and vibrators come with batteries, so you're all set to play! Small enough to fit into a stocking, or grab a few and box them up for a night of festive fun! The Vibro-man is a trio of vibrations. The kit includes a cock ring, a finger vibe, and a tongue vibe, so that everywhere you touch, with any part of your body, sends pleasurable vibes.

4. Dreamgirl International-Sexy Holiday lingerie and themed attire make playing Ms. Santa even more hot. Their one size fits most pieces (Plus line also available) are well made and include most of the accessories you'll need to pull the look off!

What to give that “special friend.” Do you need to give a gift to your fuck buddy? Friends with benefits? We polled several people and while some said “yes, something sexy,” and others said “No!” We all seemed to agree that IF you decide to gift to your sexy friend, it should revolve around sex. Romantic gifts, or sentimental gifts can be sketchy…. let’s face it, we don’t want to send the wrong message and risk losing the sexual relationship.

And lastly, what to gift to your lover that won't empty out your wallet? With communication being the key to great sex... most of what we crave is simply the idea of being desired.

1. Leave them a romantic love note, or wrap it up top it off with a bow!

2. Send them a sexy text message! If they're into dirty talk, this is even more of a treat!

3. Take a bath with them... pour your favorite drink of choice, light some candles, and just soak and talk... and let the stress of the holidays roll off, while the magic of reconnection rolls in...

4. Give them a sensual massage. And we don't mean it has to come with a happy ending. Really do something just for their pleasure... make it all about pampering them.

5. Feed them. Food has so many underlying messages and sexy undertones. Nourish them, tease them, delight their tastebuds... (and if you need help with food ideas, read this post about playing with food.) To hear the entire show about buying holiday gifts for your lover, listen to episode 18 on Play With Me on Playboy Radio!

Let's Play With Our Food!

Does the idea of food and sex turn you on? We’ve just recently celebrated the biggest day for gluttony, and while most people think of it as a non-sexual holiday, I’m here to debate that idea. I find food incredibly sexy. The smells, the flavors, the textures of certain foods as they melt, dissolve or absorb into my mouth. I love the tangy, the salty, the sweet, and even the bitterness of foods, but they have to be the right flavors for the right foods. There’s something that happens when amazing food touches your lips. As the aromas are deeply inhaled through the nose, and the lips part slightly to feel the first contact. Is the food warm or cold? Does it feel hard or soft in your mouth? Does it melt onto your tongue or do you need to chew it to release it’s flavors? I can’t just “eat” a banana. I want to slowly ingest it’s goodness. I can’t simply bite and swallow for sustenance. I like to revel the inside of the banana first…. expose it’s naked flesh. Does it have bruising? Or is the yellow meat perfectly ripe and ready to be devoured? Then I slowly scrape the banana with my teeth to peel the outermost layer off, so I can chew and swallow a little at a time. It’s a strange ritual, that I must admit wasn’t my original idea. I watched a woman eat a banana in this way before, and while it was highly erotic, it is also the most effective way to enjoy the flavors of this phallic fruit.

So how does the brain respond to food? According to Reuniting.info we are attracted to food because of it’s pleasure and reward. We’ve all heard of Pavlov’s dog, but we generally don’t apply those concepts to our own human ways. We do create and associate experiences to pleasure in much the same way, remembering and responding to cues and conditions. So when we smell a specific food, we may be reminded of a pleasurable eating experience, and when those same flavors and textures are presented to us, our bodies respond favorably. Sounds a little like sex, right?

So can we actually orgasm through food consumption? A woman in the UK has been eating herself to orgasm, and has even created a porn site so you can watch. Gabi Jones has a condition called persistent genital arousal syndrome where she is able to achieve orgasm without sexual arousal. I’m glad I don’t have this condition. I already love food, if it gave me orgasms as well, I don’t think I’d ever leave my kitchen.

I do however love incorporating my love of food with my love of sex, and highly recommend that you play with your food. Food begs to be played with. Even as small children we are delighted by it’s textures and temperatures. We are taught NOT to play with our food, because clearly….. we WANTED TO!! So forget the restrictive lessons of your youth and get creative with your lover and your next meal together.

How can you introduce food into the bedroom? First, have a game plan. Don’t just start throwing your spaghetti at them and think they’re going to find it sexy. If your lover is a woman, she needs to know that there’s not going to be a huge mess to clean up afterward— huge orgasm inhibitor. So plan to either play away from home, or in the shower! Where clean up can be just as sexy as getting down and dirty…

Next, choose foods that beg to be licked, sucked, and devoured off of your lover’s body. Generally it’s best to stay away from anything spicy or temperature hot, unless you have edible candle wax. Dessert foods, chocolate sauce, honey, pudding, are all pretty safe bets.

Be careful not to get any sugary foods near the opening, or inside her lady parts. Sugary foods can affect a woman’s PH balance, and disrupt her delicate flora. Unless you don’t mind her being out of commission for a week afterward, just avoid eating her out like a chocolate fountain.

If you’re planning on using some stiff vegetables to penetrate your lover, make sure they’re clean and free from any loose parts, or slap a condom on it for extra sanitary measure.

Food and oral pleasures can bring on all kinds of sensory responses. From the associations and experiences we connect to the food itself, to the aromas, the textures, the temperature of foods… play with your lover, don’t just spray a dollop of whip cream and end the fun there. Find places to tease them with the food. Feed them. Pour liquids onto your body and let it roll into their mouths. Take a culinary journey with them. The goal isn’t to get to the sex, the sensual experience is what you’ve dedicated time to accomplish. Play…

To hear to the my show on playing with food, food play, which foods enhance your sex life, and which foods are known aphrodisiacs, listen to episode 16 on Play With Me on Playboy Radio!

How to shave your lover...

As Movember comes to a close, I felt it was the perfect follow-up to our previous post, "To Shave or not to Shave." While shaving his overgrown beard from his month of facial growth in support of men's health is NOT what we're talking about here... I suppose the same tips and techniques could be applied. I would definitely, however; consult with a trusted and known source for expert advice in this area. ;)

As for the nether regions, I feel pretty confident sharing my years of experience and expertise! Shaving your lover can be a super sexy and erotic experience for both of you. Not only because you're staring their private parts in the face, but because they've also trusted you with the most intimate bits and pieces. So take a deep breath, calm your nerves, 'cuz shaky hands aren't a good thing when you've a sharp object around their genitals.

1. First things first, BE PREPARED!! Shaving delicate parts require the right tools. A foamy shave cream for a smooth shave, and a new razor. A good disposable razor is fine for this. (You may also need some scissors if they haven't done much trimming in the area recently. Make sure the hair is short enough to be shave easily.)

2. Set the scene: Light some candles in the bathroom, but don't dim the lights too much (you need to see what you're doing, and you'll want to!!) Play some sexy tunes, pour yourselves a glass of wine, or a scotch neat, and settle in for the adventure ahead.

3. Warm the hair follicles with a hot bath, shower, or warm washcloth first.

4. Apply the foaming shave cream or work up a good lather with a soap, or use hair conditioner!

5. Always shave WITH the grain of the hair growth!! I will admit, there were times when I shaved against the grain of my hair growth, BUT I WAS A PROFESSIONAL!! I needed to get a super code shave, and I knew what the consequences might be! Don't take this risk with your lover's body. Razor burn sucks, and can potentially ruin the night.

6. Don't worry too much about the finished product. It's not about the end result, but about the experience. Use your wet fingers to run them over the area around their genitals and anus to make sure you haven't missed any stray hairs. Have them place a leg up on the side of the bathtub, or on a stool and kneel before them while you work. Tell them what you see. Comment on how much you love seeing their naked flesh.

Be careful with sharp objects!! Play safe, and have fun!

To hear to the full show on Shaving, listen to Episode 15 on Play With on Playboy Radio.

To Shave or Not to Shave?

Pubic hair is a touchy conversation. People either love it or hate it, and those who hate it think nobody should have it. I am surprised to hear women talk about other women’s bodies that offend them. “If you’re gonna be naked in the locker room, you need to whack that bush!” “Nobody wants to see that!” Don’t women who want to keep their natural hair “down there” deserve the same consideration as those who want to shave or wax it? No other topic I’ve discussed has ever garnered the same reaction as the question of whether or not to shave your pubic hair.

The fact is, we’ve been obsessed with pubic hair for centuries… even in early art history, pubic hair was taboo. Roger Friedland wrote an interesting dissertation on the topic of why pubic hair has been slowly disappearing. He points out that even artists such as Michaelangelo painted hairless nudes, as showing pubic hair was forbidden. When Francisco de Goya did create his work La Maja Desnuda with full bush for the Spanish Prime Minister (who kept it hidden in a private room, and only showed it to people he trusted), he was called before the Spanish Inquisition to defend himself and his art. The woman in the painting was not only showing her pubic hair, but was also looking right at you, the voyeur. The suggestion that she was not ashamed of her nakedness added to the scandal of the work itself. The controversial piece suggested a woman who owned her own sexual desire and that idea was frightening.

He goes on to explain that in the 1950’s and 60’s when nudity in film was banned, that producers would simply omit pubic to have the film approved. Edward Craven Walker (the creator of the lava lamp, and Naturism advocate) was able to successfully produce his naturist films by this little loop hole.

So when did pubic hair make it’s debut in the mainstream? 1974, the year Hustler showed bush for the first time. It was shocking to be actually showing the secret garden of sex and magic that lies between a woman’s legs…showing the raw, thought provoking, hormone inducing patch of fur that promised pleasure within.

And how did this divine moment lead to the disappearance of the bush? According to Friedland, it was also what was happening in the feminist movement and how Hustler as well as Playboy and other men’s magazines produced spin offs that could be considered a response to the Equal Rights Amendment of 1972. He theorizes that these liberated women of the time were full of hair, and men craved a return to the submissive, sexually available female who was available for his pleasure…. then came Barely Legal. Girls who looked so young, who had less pubic hair, who were ready and waiting to please. His suggests that the lack of pubic hair de-humanizes the female genitalia, creating an emotionally-free zone, free from the instincts of biology and reproduction, therefore allowing a blank space to simply fuck.

This theory definitely makes many valid points, but I wonder if those same points could also be used to argue that women were also empowered by taking control of their genitalia in the same way? Perhaps these women also wanted a sex life free from emotional ties and potential reproductive consequence. Perhaps desexualizing their own genitals made them feel more casual about sex for recreation.

Whatever the reason that pubic hair began disappearing in public, the general populace seems to be happy about it. While the small group of people I polled are about even when it comes to whether it should be gone, or allowed to roam somewhat trimmed, but freely, most definitely preferred it wasn’t wild. People associate pubic hair with uncleanliness. They commented on the possible smells, unwanted hitchhikers, and overall “mess” that could be connected with unruly pubes. So if you care what your lover might say about your bush being wild a free, I would suggest you trim it back before the first encounter, or simply ask what they prefer. If you’re a man or woman who likes your partner to have more than a hacked lawn, you may also want to ask them to go a little lighter on the trim.

Not all of us sexually active people prefer a bald vulva or penis. In fact, some of us are slightly less turned on when the pants come off and there’s no fur to nuzzle our faces into. Some of us love the fresh, and not-so-fresh smell of our lover at the end of a long day, so before you go crazy with the razor, have a conversation with your current sex partner and find out what they like to see and feel when you drop your drawers.

To listen to the entire episode on "To Shave or Not to Shave" on Play With Me on Playboy Radio, click here!